December 10, 2008 • June Walbert
Q: My husband and I are separated and divorcing for the second time in 10.5 years. We never went completely through with the divorce the first time, but this time seems unavoidable. This is his second affair and I have proof. I was wondering is there anyway to get the SBP benefits initiated without a court order? I am being very much so kept in the dark as to the Coast Guard's disposition of my husband's infidelities and other legal issues and am not even sure if he'll still have a career much longer. What are my options outside the civilian law system?
--Camilla Mobile, Ala.
A: Goodness, it sounds like you’re in a tough situation. I would highly encourage you to pursue your options inside the civilian law system as that is the only way to enforce any agreements you two come up with. When it comes to divorce or any type of formal agreement or arrangement, it’s best to have it all in writing. The division of military retirement and retirement accounts, and protecting your interests (via SBP or life insurance) should all be a part of your divorce decree. Also remember, there is no time requirement for you to be entitled to a portion of your husband’s military retirement. Sometimes I hear folks talk about the “ten-year rule.” The reality is that this rule applies to an ex-spouse receiving direct payments from DFAS. I wish you the best of luck now and in the future.
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Camilla, go right now to Amazon.com and order a book called The Military Divorce Handbook, and read it cover to cover. You need to educate yourself pronto.
You need to hire a (civilian) divorce lawyer who is familiar with the military, and the benefits to which a military spouse is entitled. A retired JAG is best. Ideally, this lawyer will be licensed to practice in your state. But if you can't find one in your state, talk to one anywhere; pay for a phone consultation. You can find such lawyers living around major military posts and bases, so go online and read the classified ads in the base papers, which are always posted online. Lawyers also advertise in Military Times. I was able to find a former JAG through Divorcenet.com.
Your lawyer can help you get SBP, and a share of the pension. Your lawyer will be able to help you find out if your husband is being charged with adultery or if he is being kicked out of the military.
I wish you well.
Posted by: RM | December 26, 2008 at 09:05 AM
Your situation is an unfortunate one to say the least and I feel your pain. The Military doesn't tolerate adultry. Get the ball rolling now with legal proceedings outside the Jag for they often help the offender cya or forever hold your peace. The grass is only greener on the other side for him cause it's over a leaky septic tank.
Posted by: James | December 26, 2008 at 09:04 AM