Q: I was married to a soldier in the US Army from 1970 to 1983. We divorced and he has remarried. I was told that if we were married for at least 10 years of his military time, I would be entitled to partial retirement. Is this true? Thank you for your help.
–Patricia, Silver Spring, Md.
A: Just before you were divorced, in 1982, Congress passed, and the president signed into law, the Uniform Services Former Spouses’ Protection Act (USFSPA).This allowed state courts to divide military retired pay as marital property. Today, I constantly remind service members and their spouses heading down the path to a divorce to enlist the services of a qualified attorney with loads of experience in the area of military divorce. In your case, your ex-husband’s military retirement could have been divided during your divorce. It sounds as if that was not the case. The ten-year rule that you reference actually specifies that you have to have been married for ten years that overlapped with ten years of service that was creditable for retirement in order to receive direct payments from the Defense Finance and Accounting Service (DFAS). So, you could be married for less than 10 years during his military service and still been awarded some portion of his military retirement by the state court. If it’s not in your divorce decree, I’m afraid you’re out of luck. I hope this helps…if not you, others!
BAD RULE!
i wouldn’t give the bitch a dime if I didn’t have too. The USSPA us bullshit. I didn’t see her along side of me in the paddies in Vietnam.
I know a guy his wife left him and told court because she cant deal with his PTSD but she still took half the money he was awarded for him having to deal with PTSD. How is this even fair
? Even in divorce VA benefits are not considered an asset or disposable military income. A money hungry spouse may be entitled to half what the Military gave him but thankfully the VA payments are off limits.
Can someone please assist me: I was receiving a portion of my ex-husbands retirement pension, which we were married 22 yrs. He is receiving VA Disability due to health issues, I was receiving my portion and then I get a letter stated that it has been suspended out of the blue! Can someone help or give me direction? I have contacted DFAS they can’t or will not help me! Just frustrated!
Thank you
Have you tried calling your ex? If he ended up getting 100% VA disability rating your retirement portion will end as disability payments are not divisible in a divorce. IE he no longer gets a pension he gets disability compensation so there is nothing to divide with you. Also if he passed away and doesn’t have SBP to cover you payments end on his death. Lastly if he owes the government money, they get theirs first and you come last.
Curtis, my husband’s ex who he was divorced from in 87 and only married 8 years is now trying to take some of his retirement. She is currently married and has been married twice since then and employed. My stepkids are grown.
It is in the divorce decree that he pay her part of his retirement but they had a verbal agreement that it was only if she did not remarry.
Is there any way we can fight this?
I would rather move to Uganda then pay her another dime she is a crazy —-.
if it’s in the decree he’s screwed, you can’t change it. It should have been written into the decree instead of trusting her word that she would only get it if she didn’t remarry.
This is a bunch of crap that the government is helping these men beat us out of share of the retirement income from the military. My divorce was in Texas a 50–50 state. It says all retirements must be split. My husband has not complied with this court order. I am 64 and because I stayed home and took care of our children which I had three from age 19 to 31. The last one left home when I was 51. Not only I didn’t get this money but my social security is only $735 because I didn’t make much after age 51. It is hard to start a career at a late age in life. We need to have an easier way to collect your money without having to hire an attorney to enforce the divorce decree. I was married twenty five years to a career navy man.
Teh government isn’t helping the “men” beat anything, if anything they are helping you to get money you didn’t earn. You could have worked and earned your retirement while you had kids once they were in school, you CHOSE not to.
On a side note since you were married over 10 years you can have your SS benefit analyzed to see if you would get a higher amount as calculated on your ex’s earnings vs your own.
It is a shame after 27 years this question would be asked. Is it all about the $ that attracts an ex-spouse (be it man or woman) to an military members retirement? Has this person not moved on and established their own career or better yet obtained a degree of some sort to better themselves and provide themselves a better life? It seems these days that there are ALOT of people that are looking for the handout instead of taking care of their business.
Totally agree! 100, 000 and another 400,000 as well as paycheck for life goes a long way.
Jim if you had given up your career as a woman to travel around the country for 17 yrs. to promote your husband’s career, moving every two yrs. and raising your children alone, you would most likely feel entitled to your small share of the retirement. I could have had a fabulous retirement if I had not given it up to follow him and give our children the attention they needed.
That’s right! The role of the spouse in a military husband’s career involves many sacrifices. No doubt we all know how non-commissioned and commissioned officers rely on their wives in protocol matters. How many of these wives have been required to participate in various capacities JUST because they are married to one of these men?
We all know what it is like to forego a career, give up our opportunities, screw up our resumes with short term employment while supporting our husband’s career initiatives. We are an “asset” while the military career is in place, but when that career if over and retirement sets in, what do we become? Well, in many cases we become part of the “end” of that career as well. We were good enough to get him where he wanted to be, but when he retires and wants to re-visit the “life” he feels he has missed.…..; we become obsolete, not young enough, and bogged down with the worries and responsibilities of finances he doesn’t want to bother with. We served our “purpose” and now that is over, according to him. So, we should just let these guys who have already fulfilled their career and gained free training and expertise to aid them in their job search, dump us and move on while “we” are left with nothing but gaps in our resumes, short term employment references, and unfinished education?
Heck no! We paid our dues and these guys owe us! They married us for a purpose, we did the job, and we deserve our pay!
There is SO much I would love to say to you ! Like, I bet you are one of very many that thinks it“s fair that you deserve HIS money for LIFE. That money was NOT vested(which by the way means YOU or ur spouse did NOT contribute to. And last I knew, the former spouse didn’t work their a** off in 100 degree weather or in temperatures far below 0. I could go on and on.…. Bottom line: Just because you were married, it shouldn’t mean that you should rape your X FOR LIFE !
There were plenty of programs & opportunities for you to get your degree, & with spousal preference a good job in the GS world. Sounds like a lot of you missed the boat. Lazy or fixed on the fact that you will get half.
You could have gone to college and done other things to improve yourself. If there are children yes they should be taken care of. But the ex wife to be should get of the ass and work. The sevice member has sacrificed lots going to combat and injuries that he or she has to live. Like I said got to work and stop being a leech.
Nobody owes you anything. I was a military wife and then 20+ years active duty myself. I took care of myself and 4 kids as a single mother for many years while active duty, obtained a master’s degree and started a phd program all on enlisted pay. I know many others who walk the same walk and have a better life for it . Do something for yourself and get own with life..
Bullsh*t. I am in the military — a WOMAN — married and made the choice to serve.….and my ex husband MADE THE CHOICE to marry me! No one made you follow your husband around. Just how did you mange to move every 2 years as well? Didnt’ happen. Your husband was also home more than he was gone — i am willing to bet this.
go get a job!
Good to hear a women speak out for us men!~ Thank you !
You are truly an exception to the rule…maybe your disposition is why he is gone…I’m just saying. FYI, do not know what branch you so angrily serve in, but officers of the Army move every two years and are not home most of the time. Get your facts straight hon.
Not all military wives are dedicated to their families. I divorced my wife after 15 years of marriage overlapping my career. She moved with me and kept my kids alive when I was gone, but thats all. I put up with infidelity the entire 15 years. She was not a good wife and not that good of a mother. The judge awarded me custody of my two kids and 100% of my military retirement. He said she didn’t earn one dime as a military spouse! Sometimes it works out.
Good to hear, Happy! This is the same as my situation that I am currently going through. Good to hear there are some fair judges still out there. She received a BS in Bus Admin and had no school loans or payments owed by her. She has since moved on and is set to make some real good money here shortly. I am sure none of these wives think I should get a portion of her money which will be far more than my retirement.
Good for you! I agree not everyone are dedicated to their marriage. My husband who was married 10 years had his 1/3 retirement pay after they divorce. The ex wife never contributed or supported him in anyway on his career. But she thinks she owes her. For what? I am married to him for over twice their marriage and I felt she already got what she deserves for 10 years and it’s time to stop! I am not the bitter second wife but i felt my husband pay is being ripped off specially if the ex wife had already remarried earlier way before us.
No they are just lazy
Happy Now… You must have had a good lawyer as well. Im in Illinois.. What state did you divorce in ? I need help.
Does anyone know if the Divorce Settlement can be changed? Thanks
Generally it can only be modified in regards to child support. most say in decree that it is final and non negotiable. And the ex will get the retirement payments for life regardless of remarriage.
bs i spent 23 plus years in officers do not moe every two years get you facts straight the move positions with in a batalion but can an normally do stay in that battalion more than twp years. spme may move at two years but that is needs of the army or they have issues an the battalion commander request them transfered out ect.
You go girl! I was in the Marine Corps, married a Marine and chose to end my military career to follow him, key word CHOSE TO!. We were married in 1996 and divorced in 2008. At no time during this 12 year marriage did I consider my relationship a JOB. I took 1 year of our 12 year marriage off to devote my time to my first child and attend school. I worked in every town we moved to and continued my educations throughout the entire marriage. I watch women who are married to civilian business men experience way more hardships than I did as a military spouse. The military takes care of it’s own and provides housing, utilities, and school money for all members and spouses. Not to mention we had medical, dental, and vision at a very small or no cost out of pocket.
Some will say that I don’t understand because their situation was different, but I can assure you being married to an infantry man was not easy road. I experienced may seperations and received increased pay for those seperations from the military. I had plenty of hours in a day to continue working. The military spouse was always taken care of through base employments. My spouse was gone a month after we married for 6 months and every six months following for 12 years. He left the active Army and decided to go into the National Guard just before the conflict in Iraq began. He was immediately sent to war for 18 months, I was home with a 3 and 5 year old. I continued to work as a dispatcher on night shift, go to school to complete my BS, and care for our children and home.
How many single moms do you know, who were not married to the military spouse, who receive money from their child(en)s father for the rest of their lives just because they chose to reproduce with that person.
Come on people! It’s hard enough to be in the military for 20 or more years and depend on living off of a pay that you earned without having to support extra spouses who decided they did not want to be in the relationship for the log haul.
By the way my spouse left me for a young lady who was married to one of the fine men he enlisted into the National Guard so I was not the one who left and I still do not feel entitled to HIS money.
Ruth, you got it so right!!!! I salute you!
Unless the Civilian Male Member is incapcitated in some way He should not collect anything from his Female Military Spouse. It is a well known fact that Men always get paid in the Civilian Sector a whole lot more than a Woman. If you do not believe me look it up, it is there for all to see. There is still a lot of glass ceilings out there, I have been there and done that. I am very happy to see that the Armed Services are finally impowering women to be able to use the talents they have in defending our country.
your not worth my comment…
You Sir, are a Woman Hater. She must have been really mean to you. I am sorry for your misfortune. All women aren’t like that. May God heal your wounds.
And you lady, you are a troll…constantly on here trying to defend your leaching pay from your ex spouse but in some delusional world you live in it’s not fair for a man to do it to a female spouse? You are a delusional troll lady. and this is coming from a FEMALE spouse who would NEVER consider leaching off of an ex.
Oh yes…but you wanted equality. If you count your medical and all the other bennys.…you make more than he does. He’s entitled too.
I 100% agree; no one forced the mouth to say “I do”…
SGM
I agree Diane!
Diane with all do respect…that was a choice you made when you married him!
That was a choice they both agreed on. He also chose to marry her. If you don’t want to share don’t get married plain and simple. She deserves half of everything.
She does not deserve half of everything greedy and lazy. Does not know how to work or she likes taking advantavge so she does not have to work. Probably she is on welfare also.
Dear Frank:
What do you refer to as work? She cleans the house, takes care of children, goes to all parent/teacher meetings, works whatever job she can get because she has followed her husband to his assignment, because he might be lonely if she doesn’t, Starches and irons his uniforms, makes sure her house is glistening, because even military wives are susceptible to inspections of their homes by housing, If she can, she goes to school, but unless she has access to a computer and can get funding for an accredited college online (which by the way, wasn’t available until a few years ago), mows the law, does the was, runs errands, cooks, cuts hair, including yours, attends church and volunteers so that you have a good reputation for having your family under control which could mean a promotion eventually, does all this on her own while you’re gone away, accepts whatever you throw her way financially, and all because you have promised to love, honor and cherish her for all of her life.
she made that promise too…but you have conveniently forgotten that. Now, she is an inconvenience. She has no job skills, she has to continue raising your children while you try and dictate how she will live her life and object to even paying child support, try and recover from having her entire world yanked out from under her, leaving her with no sense of self-esteem, while you take it all in stride with your new little chippy. After all, you had warning. She didn’t know she had to be on her guard. You didn’t tell her to prepare for being dumped.
She absolutely does deserve half of everything. Had he stayed and she got educated, he would have shared in her proceeds as well. I’ll give you a million dollars that the chippy isn’t working any too hard either. You have a job and reirement and medical…and she believes your promises too. Oh Chippy…watch out…he did it to her…he’ll do it to you when the next little chippy wiggles her fanny.
My mother was the wife of a Navy Chief, who bore six children, and who worked whenever it was needed. The military made certain promises to the wives who waited at home with the children. Children did without their fathers and mothers nurtured children, worked, and when he came home, everything was supposed to become his to rule as the head of household. The adjustments were insane.
When we marry, we promise to love, honor, and protect each other, in sickness and in health. That doesn’t mean that when some little chippy ocmes along and wiggles her fanny, he gets to divorce the old model and reward the new one, leaving her without to raise children and to create a life that she was denied while he was in the military.
I’m the mother of five children, 3 of whom were from his first marriage. I traveled with him wherever the military sent him. I was NOT an officer’s wife. She cheated on him, and he caught her and took pictures. She wanted the divorce. He was at sea every three months, and she was drinking and every child was coming out deformed. He and I have known each other from childhood and had I known, I might have told him that I loved him long before we got together. She left, signed divorce papers, paid for by him, and in the papers, she signed her rights away.
He and I have been married some 31 years now. Our children are grown and we’re enjoying our grandchildren. Do you mean to say that she can come back out of the blue and collect against his and my retirement? Yes, I went to college. I paid those fees. I became disabled, but I worked from home then. We bought our home, paid our insurances, he got out of the military with a disability and gets a check from the VA, and he works as well. He will be eligible to take early retirement in November.
I think I would take her to court before I would see her collect one red cent. I raised her children. She took no responsibility, and I will be damned before she takes one red cent that my husband worked and earned, or that I cried over being separated from him while he did it.
Those of you who are very busy denigrating the first wife, are obviously the second ones who wiggled your little fanny. Oh yes, if she was a decent wife and he left, I would fight just as hard to help her get every dime that is her due.
It depends on the circumstances in every case and not every military man is honorable.
Just another excuse. Dependents always had a choice, there are plenty of mil to mil couples that have gone on to have great careers, & raised their families. We all have choices, I just think it’s a cheap way out for lazy people. Especially after they remarry.
Let me see.…wives while they considered to be of value, ought to go out to work, and not be there to wait on you hand and foot? And where where was that attitude while you still valued the marriage? Oh no, then it was…but I’ll miss you. Work while I’m gone, but stay home when I’m not. My uniforms need to be starched and wives need to learn how to give haircuts, take children to activities, do all the homework with every child, keep the house clean and be availabe for sex at the drop of a hat.
You’re right…she had a choice. She could have divorced your wandering eye, philandering but long before you did hers. But she was too busy being the faithful, supportive wife. That has no value now…you’ve found a new little chippy who tells you how sexy you are. And don’t think your retirement pension and capacity for earning don’t enter into that package, because they do.
But having been divorced and dumped as it were…she’s lazy if she doesn’t go to work. She isn’t allowed to be remarried…she’s supposed to forever grieve your butt, and remain celibate the rest of her life. That, and never every require you to live up to what you promised when you married her. You owe her buster brown…and if she didn’t know it before, she knows it now.
If you are so set on the ex being able to move on and not “grieve” his butt then she should move on from the paycheck too…especially if the lazy tart remarries. Which she probably will since most have no actual life skills that aren’t out of date.
Too true Jim.…far too many lazy @ssed people out there with there hand out expecting to be provided for.
And that is exactly what Jim promised when he married her. He didn’t consider her to be lazy then.
Make no mistake Jim and DO NOT get it twisted, when we as spouses give up our career choices to follow the military member, you bet your bottom $$$$ we have EARNED every dime of the funds due us. It is obvious you are probably one that owes but refuses to pay…shame on you!!!
He/She supported you. Fed you, took care of you. Bought you gifts. You are an adult. You chose to leave home and follow him/her. You choice to give up the job. I know military people that their spouse stayed somewhere because of a good job. You made the choice. He didnt put a gun to your head and force you to go.. Millions of people raise kids alone like my sister. She doesnt say I deserve this or that, she makes do. My friend helps me through my problems and stress which there is many do I have to pay him for the rest of my life now. No you care for someone then that is what you do for free. You dont counsel a friend then send them a bill..
I wanted to go back to school to finish my education that I stopped to follow him. He always said that as soon as all the kids were in school I could go back. when our last child graduated from school I asked him again to keep his promise to let me go back to school only to be told there wasn”t any money for it. That is funny as there sure seemed to be enought money for his trucks, boats, fishing equipment etc etc. I then went and got a Pell Grant. instead of getting a hey that is the way to do it he said, ” you went be hind my back! You just sneaked around to do that against my wishes! He acted like I had cheated on him. Then he said I was to old and if I did learn something who in their right minds would hire and old person like me . I did clean that up some as I do not want to offend. I supported him in many ways. I did his mail order studies as he didn’t either want to, have time to, or brains to. I polished boots, ironed uniforms, etc etc for him as he was a cook and didn’t have time to make fancy cakes for change of commands and owc etc I did them and he got the credit for it. We moved 19 times in 20 years. I raised 3 kids mostly by myself even when he was home he was either watching tv or sleeping. He was absent from his family. I worked for AAFES 18 and 1/2 years the only ones who got retirement were those who worked full time and we were never in one place long enough for me to get to that point. So earning my own retirement? How in this world could I have done that?
Lots of military spouse programs out there don’t require much these days but I don’t know when you retired. Even now I see a lot of ladies like you returning to school and doing just fine, so keep your head up your hard work.
Many of the jobs available for military spouses are GS positions, which transfer from base to base. I know several ladies who are retiring from GS (government service jobs) or transferring their time to other government jobs outside of the military.
Greg…have you ever heard the words “Til Death Do Us Part?” That is exactly what marriage is about. Both promise to remain with each other, even when he farts under the blanket at night, or becomes disabled during war. She promises to be a good wife and to care for their children, and if the opportunity presents itself, she might go back to school. Those opportunities didn’t exist years ago, at least for spouses. The GI bill was for men who served overseas.
I your sister had children and didn’t get married, then she wasn’t promised a lifelong commitment. Married women are promised just that. That is what they rely on…the promises that her husband made to her. He has to rely on her promises as well. He doesn’t expect her to cheat on him, or to dump the children on him either. But guess way…it happens to millions of wives. But now you want to defend them for breaking their word or the women for believing them? So sorry!! It is not your parents’s job to help you either. They have a right to retire in peace also. Grow up.
Yeah right, you haven’t earned anything! There are many of my friends that are married to military members, and they have seeked out very successful careers. Their are also many dual military families that seem to make it. Yes all with sacrifices, but they are not looking for a free ride! Sometime the truth hurts.
You haven’t earned JACK. I’m a military spouse, guess what…I work for a living and do all of the things you all claim to be your “job” (newsflash, it’s not a job, they are called household chores). I too move every 2–3 years, never had a problem continuing my career because I had the drive to do so.
Have you personally received a paycheck and contributed to federal taxes, social security, and state taxes? Probably not, so no you haven’t earned a damn thing
I guess I have to agree on both parts, I DO pay my share and you all are right. There good spouses and bad ones, so we can’t really say who deserves and who doesn’t now can we? We can only say a good former spouse deserves her/his due and vice verse. Really if you are a spouse who sat on your tush and really did nothing in regards to your service member’s career(and they know who they are) you would complain and say all kinds of things about you deserving an amount of that person’s fund. In other words people can be like sharks and smell blood (weak blood) a mile away.
Like I said before the children should always be taken care of. The exs can and should work. The exs are looking for a hand out instead of going out and actually working. (LAZY)
many spouses man or woman put their carrers on hold or cannot establish a retirement due to the frequent moving that is required with the Military…so for many its not just about a Handout…its was is rightfuly due to them for all the years of moving, and not being able to establish themselves
Deborah, I completely agree with you on that point.
When you are married you are a team. They both choose to have children, who would have raised their children? Who did the moves and unpacked? Or went to the support groups representing your position and career? Who was on the pier with the Welcome Home sign? Remember this might be the husband or wife..
The modern military in this day and age want a Husband & Wife team each supporting one another’s military careers, even our senior military like to see a married team promoting each other. If this was the case well someone’s career was put on hold due to a spouses career military demands and yes you both agreed on this arrangement. Weather you are the wife or husband in the military. Now the spouse that made the sacrifices must catch up to years lost in the work force something they supported you climbing up the pay scale. I just get so frustrated and blown away by the ignorant comments a freebie..
Give me a break nothing is free everyone knows that! Stand up and honor your commit as a team! You sure didn’t mind your spouse sacrificing theirs at the time now its time for you to sacrifice on your end. Stop whining about it!
Said it before and I’ll say it again. I am a spouse and I have NEVER had a problem retaining my career with some hard work. We work as a team to promote each others careers and to raise children… I would NEVER sink so low as to go after his retirement in the case of divorce. If you choose to give up a career because it’s “easier” to focus on taking care of house, and a spouses career, then that is your OWN fault, you chose to give up your life to focus on someone elses, and that’s simply not healthy
Deborah — Thank you for your service to our great nation. It is a team sport, a family affair! While some spouses are able to pull off a career and build retirement savings, others feel pulled in a different direction. Everyone’s situation is different and no one should assume that if one person did it this way, we can all do it that way. You hang in there!
I did all of the moving and unpacking and even informed my former spouse of educational programs that were free on base. I went to every event by myself Susan and when I asked my spouse she said no. I DO pay my spouse for her time because I realize she did leave everything she new behind, and even went back to visit. Susan I bet if you spouse were in the hospital you would have been there right by his side wouldn’t you. Mines wasn’t and can’t really even remember what i even did in the military when her friends ask. I raised my stepdaughter as my own and even gave her my GI bill, sh never come to visit only when she needs something from me, or well that’s it!! I know there are well deserving spouses out there, but anyone in their right mind can get a free trip, in our out of the military. I guess it depends on how you look at it. I hope you respond to this because I have read lots of comments both good and bad, and man all I can is say if you owe pay!! Every body gets their due!!
I AM NOW 60 YEARS OLD AND TRYING TO WORK FOR A RETIREMENTOF MY OWN. I WENT BACK TO SCHOOL AT AGE 51 DOING MY BEST TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF NOW AS WELL AS A DISABLED DAUGHTER(WHO HAS BEEN DISABLED SINCE BIRTH, HER FATHER HIT ME), (MY MILITARY EX SPOUSE, WHO IS HER FATHER DOES NOT HELP WITH) AND AN 11 YEAR OLD GRANDSON. I JUST WISH THEY HAD ALL OF THOSE PROGRAMS FOR WIVES WHEN I WAS YOUNGER AND I WOULDN’T BE IN THE SHAPE I AM NOW. FROM THE WAY THINGS LOOK I WILL SOON BE ABLE TO GET SOCIAL SECURITY DISABLITY BEFORE I AM ABLE TO GET SOCIAL SECUIRTY. DOES ANY ONE OUT THERE KNOWOF A REALLY GOOD AND SAFE IRA?
I HAVE BEEN SAVING WHAT I CAN AND WANT TO INVEST IT SO THAT THERE WILL BE ENOUGH FOR ME AND MY DAUGHTER AND MY GRANDSON. I SAY ENOUGH AS ENOUGH TO LIVE ON WITH OUT HAVING TO BEG OR GO ON FOOD STAMPS, I NEVER EXPECTED TO BE RICH JUST TO HAVE ENOUGH TO KEEP A ROOF OVER MY FAMILYS’ HEAD, FOOD ON THE TABLE AND CLOTHES ON THE BACK. TO BE ABLE TO PAY THE NEEDED BILLS AND TO HAVE ENOUGH LEFT OVER FOR A MOVIE OR A PRESENT OR A DINNER OUT ON A SPECIAL OCCASSCION, LIKE BIRTHDAYS , GRADUATIONS, ETC. JUST ENOUGH IS ALL I ASK.
Still a handout, I also can argue on the other side where I have many friends married to military members and they have a very successful career. Yes, they probably had many more sacrifices than you ever will, but they made it. No free ride for them. It is all about choices, but I can ensure you that in no way did you earn one penny of that retirement that the military member worked 20 years for. Maybe you earned other things in the marriage, but DEFINITELY NOT THE RETIREMENT!
She did not have to say I do. She did not have to get married, could have chose someone else.
Jim, I’m afraid this same thing is going to happen to my son. Not only is his wife talking about one half of his disability retirement, but also child support for her child that was with another man that she had BEFORE my son and her married. She said that since her daughter has been with them for the past 10 years that he has to keep her other child in the same manner as she is now and plus she herself, would not only get child support, one half of his disability retirement, PLUS alimony..my son is her second marriage to an Army soldier.
As long as he didn’t legally adopt the bastard child he won’t have to pay her a dime for her since her bio father should be paying. But he also has to come to terms with the fact that he’ll never see that child again. If they have a child together he will have to pay child support. Make sure that come hell or high water he hires a good lawyer knowledgable with military law because while she probably will get half his retirement she is NOT (by federal law) supposed to get any of his disability. However, many lawyers and judges don’t know this and it does sometimes get added to the pot. She might get alimony if she’s not working. People like that just tick me off, choosing to do nothing with their lives and then expecting the service member to be their lifelong meal ticket.
My ex husband never supported me or our 4 children he never paid any childsupport or got the kids anything. He never informed the Defense that we were ever married. It is a shame that I was abused and I fight everyday to stay employed and now that I hear that I will not be getting any of his $4000 retirement after 13 yrs of marriage because I didn’t know to ask for it. I am fighting to keep myself above water. I thought it was like ss.
As for me I didn’t get a degree because I was too busy staying home taking care of the home and children while my husband went to every country or state he could to get away. He volunteered to stay away.. I may not have been in harms way in a war but I sure as hell had a lot on my shoulders trying to be Mom and Dad.
You know it’s a shame that this has to be done but everyone has a different situation . I was married to an army guy he was not army when I married him I actually worked for the army as a civilian gave it up to follow my husband had no problem with that, but I do have a problem now after 20 yrs of his cheating I still stayed and took care of my kids and I worked 2 jobs to suport my kids because his pay was not enough why you ask he spent it on his females hey he also denied having kids to his ladies but I cooked clean worked two jobs took kids to little league and girls scouts and only complained when the woman would call my house to call me the b word because my soldier was cheating on me so I was a b…yeah makes sense. So I left once my kids were grown but guess what still took care of him did his bills , groceries and did not ask for anything in return..now I went and divorced him why he finally moved in with some female with 5 grown kids and she wears the pants and we went from friends to he doesn’t even look at me but I got my life together and now hes retired gave me an allotment for my half of retirement not a whole half then took it away because she wants it. Well explian how she deserves it? I now want it because I buried our son he did not pay a penny of the 14,000.00 I paid for our daughters wedding he did not help but came with the new family and his friends and on top of that now he is taking me to court trying to take my House I just bought and my pension which I don’t even have yet and trying to get me to pay taxes he owes after our marriage and some of you still say us wife’s do not deserve half.…hell I agree some wife’s or husbands might not but some of us deserve a damn award for going through what we have and not because we had to we did it because yes we wanted to because some of us took our marriage vows seriously and the other didn’t so people everyone has a story so why put any one down some people deserve half some don’t ..I think I do only because I did everything I was suppose
to do and still got burned. Hell the military told him not to tell me he had another kid..I didn’t know he was married and divorce right before he married me …I was 19 maybe naive and the military family unit they claim to be wow„„We got station in Cali and the company commander curse at my 8 year old daughter once because he was having a bad day with his soldiers and we happen to go by to pick him up after training and yeap my kid was told to get the f out of the lobby yeap have to love the whole military way.…
I am once again being taken back to court by my abusive ex-husband regarding monies he will received when I start getting my pension. Not for 8 more years. Any sum guessed at is only an estimate. I was in an no fault state so even though I have gone to abuse counseling it can’t be brought up in divorce court.
Whoa Jim, slow down!! Im going to speak on the former wives. Many of these wives were homemakers. For example, my mom was married to my father for 20 years and had 5 children with him while he did three tours to Vietnam in the Marine Corps. My mom was the ONLY one raising us and Military pay was not enough, so she had to get a job AND take care of us. She didn’t have time to go to school or as you say “better themselves”. Her established career was taking care of her children and supporting my father, her husband during his Military career. Upon their divorce she was awarded 50% of his retirement pay. You want to know something… you know how much she has received over the past 30 years.… ZERO! So, when these women want a piece of their former spouses retirement after 20 years of marriage, they most likely DESERVE IT!
No they they do not deserve a dime enless they have children then they get child support. Lazy ex wivers!!!!
Jim, I totally agree it’s not fair to be made give up something an individual worked hard for because the spouse is lazy and chooses not to do better in their careers. Greedy comes to mine if they have careers and still want what the solider worked hard for. Just my thoughts?
Well Jim,
I disagree with your comment. I was married to a marine whom…cheated on me more than once.….I married him because I loved him and was committed to him and the military. I took care of our children while he was gone…I was mother and father.…..while he was deployed.…many times.. I took care of all the finances while he was gone.…..I did everything so that he could do his job. I volunteered hours on base in different areas.…..So let me tell you.….It is not about wanting someone to take care of us financially.…in my case I had a degree before marrying my husband (he only had a H.S. education).….
Thanks to me he finally got a A.A. Anyway.….not all cases are the same.…
There are some losers in the military.….and my ex was one of them…He was not loyal to himself or his family.…..I was not married more than 10 years.….and he made sure it was less than 10 years so that I would not be entitled to 50 oercent.…..and to this day…although it was in my divorce decree that he pay me part of the percentage.….He has never held up his part of the deal.….but let me tell you …what goes around comes around.…
Amen to that
Jim, I was married for 14 years, moved 7 times, went through 4 infidelites on his part, as well as other things too personal to publically post. I wholly supported him in his career, am the daughter of military parents and grandparents, and knew how to conduct myself as a “good” military wife. While I am not complaining, as it was my choice to marry him, it made for a difficult transition into single life without a degree. Because he cheated I decided to receive the portion of his retirement benefits that I am entitled to. I was in this marriage for the long haul– his retirement was also my retirement, which he never disputed. I am moving forward, am in school , and am on my way to “providing myself a better life.” I am not looking for a “handout” but rather what I am entitled to, should I not be financially secure for retirement since my career will start at 45 years old. The real “shame” is that people blanket judge others without knowing the full details of each experience. All of those close to my ex and I during our marriage believe I’m entitled to this benefit. Even him.
Go Jim, I totally agree.
Unless your ex doesn’t think he has to help when paying for his growing children that require more than the child support that is required of him to pay and he only sees his kids 3 times out of the 10 years you’ve been divorced!!!!! Think before you agree!!!!!!! We ARE entitled to something!
Yes, Candee you are. The problem is most have heard via rumor or friends they are entitled to a portion of the retirement. Federal law protects spouses who are married to a service member for 20 years, 15 years or 10 years, if the time overlaps with creditable service. However for 10 years of marriage you are not likely to get 50% of military retirement. It is up to the court and the lawyers. Most settlements for 10 years of marriage are closer to 20% and have a remarriage clause. Most spouses will never see this money.
I was married 30 years and recently divorced, My judgement stated I am to get 50 % his retired military pay to date I get nothing as he resuses to comply with any part of the divorce judgement. For me it is not all about the money, For 30 years I took care of home and family and I also worked outside the home, until he took a job truck driving OTR. I had a stroke in Aug 07 and he left in May 08 for a younger woman, I applied to Finance to receive part of his military pay and was told that even though it in the decree judgement they cannot issue me a check, that he must be the one to send me the money. I am raising our 5 year old grandson who we are co guardians of. And yes I was there during his years in the service, Even though they have this set up to protect us they say I donot think it does,
Jacky — I’m sorry to hear of your tough circumstances. The only way DFAS will cut the check and send it directly to you is if you were married 10 years while in the service. considering the retirement split is specified in your divorce decree, consider hiring a lawyer. That costs money, but it could bring a positive outcome for you. Good luck and best wishes.
Ma;am,
My husband’s divorce decree from his first wife says absolutely nothing about his military retirement. They were married for 20 years, all 20 he was in the Navy — still is.
What is the statue of limitations (Virginia) for her to come back and attempt to get some of his retirement? Their children are both grown.
Thanks.
There is no limitation. The money is not child support it id marital assets divided like any other asset. She will have to go back to court and have her decree revised. It can be done.
Jacky J
There is a Goverment assistance program QDRO that can assist you in helping you obtain the money you were awarded. I don’t have a direct contact for you but you can google military qdro assistance and they will help you. This is their job!!!
Sweetie I went through this two years ago. You only need send your decree along with your marriage license to verify the years of marriage. You can go on to the website to complete the forms and send them in. http://www.dfas.mil/dfas/garnishment.html
i know you posted this long ago but it will find you if it’s meant to be. All you need to is take yourdivorse decree and call DFAS yourself, if it says the amount your awarded in there and you were married 10 or more year while he was active duty, they will star an allotment to the account of your choice, and there’s no way for him to stop it. if you were married less than 10 years, but it’s in your divorse decree a certain amount then you go to court and charge hi9m with contempt, he will also have to pay your lawyers fees, so yes they do protect you, you just need to know the law.
Speaking from experience, this is not true. You can take them to court, it can be ordered to be paid, but, unless he/she has property to which a lein can be placed against, you are up the creek. I ended up paying all court cost for taking it back to court and my attornies fees. He is living happily ever after with the entire amount each month. It is no longer worth the bitterness and stress to pursue it any further. He will get his one day!!!!
good for him he is a war hero aND DESERVES EVERY PENNY HE EARNED IT NEXT TIME GET OFF YOUR OWN ASS AND EAN A RETIREMENT YOURSELF
While I was away serving my Country, my wife was servicing her sexual needs. She admitted to the Pastor that she had serviced over 25 men. She was the filling station and they were the gas trucks. Now she not only is after my retirement, VA home and personal items, she has taken me to court for her being over weight. She probably weighs about 450lbs and that was from her pulling the refrigerator up into the front room.
You must file the appropriate paperwork to get the 50% — you can find the paperwork on line — he doesn’”t have to do anything. Call 1–877-622‑5930 and speak with the DFAs Garnishment Operations Directorate about your case. .….. Mel :)
That’s not true. I get my portion from his military pay check. He get a check and i get a check,. Check again and talk with a superviser.
Take him back to court i did my ex and if it says it in the decree the judge will award it and all you do is fax it to the garnishment department and you start receiving it believe me it can be done i was told that at first until i had the judgement.
Oh well half when he was home! But maybe if we did the math then maybe more then 50% should go to the INJURED SPOUSE since the mlitary member was GONE for MORE than HALF the time and left the spouse with MORE than HALF the household responsibilities while HE/SHE was out cheating around on the spouse AS WELL AS the children they are HALF responsible for. That adds up to TERRIBLE allowances for the military member. Shame on those of you who oppose sharing that retirement because you pooh pooh those you walk out on! It has NOTHING to do with bettering themselves, it has EVERYTHING to do with YOU and YOUR selfishness. Maybe you should think about those you hurt before having to suffer the consequences of having to be held financially responsible!
Hey, get this! My story isn’t about a “woman”. It’s about my husband having used me as a “front” while in the military to make himself look straight. When he retired, he didn’t need to be “discreet” anymore, so he began to openly be involved with a gay lifestyle; not just a “gay” lifestyle, but a lifestyle with transgendered men. So, he exposed me to the potential of HIV all these many years while pretending with the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. I know he has another gullible woman in the wings waiting to marry him and she doesn’t have a clue what she is getting into. He says he wants to have a child. A CHILD???? My husband has been caught twice looking at illegal photos of children online! Thank god we didn’t have children. I am definately pursuing getting all I can get. He has put me through hell, and we had a long term marriage. Dang right he is going to give me back what I put into it!
Please tell me what you are doing so I can do the same. I caught mine and have proof, he is still in. And we are getting a divorce, he asked. Tried to lie at first was me, all me, that I was the issue. Well, I found out otherwise and have proof, emails upon emails and listings posted, even while on duty. So, any words of advice? Please??
I feel deeply for military and civilian spouses that are walk out on. I want them to get what they deserve. I also know that alot of spouses that stay home and so call “take care of home and kids” while the Military spouse is away are financially ruing the service member and committing adultery too!
I THINK YOU ARE REPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN SITUATION NEXT TIME GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GET YOUR OWN JOB LOTS OF CIVILIAN WIVES DO IT WHATS WRONG WITH YOU SERVES YOU RIGHT YOU CHOSE TOUR OWN PATH.
What does a military member get when his spouse injures him? Nothing!
What does a military spouse get when the military member injures her physically, mentally, and financially.……
Not a damn thing, but told by her attorney that she needs to buck up since she has a degree, but that degree does not have president over people with experience to get hired over her.….
OH MY GOODNESS. More military people who destroy lives and think they can walk away. In our case, he went to KOREA knocked up a DRINKY GIRL and walked out on his ORIGINAL FIRST TWO CHILDREN and ME! Yet you people are whining for THAT military member that has to divide his retirement. Yeah he was serving the military or was he? I mean if he was able to connect and impregnate a foreign female WHILE serving the military then I guess he, like many military people out there cheating with anything that walks which ultimately destroys a GOOD FAMILY left behind to pay bills, care for the house oh and yes TAKE CARE OF THE CHILDREN should have to share but it is sad to hear people defending the soldier and the retirement when he balked at the responsibilities that was HALF his too!
Thats one case you married a loser.. I have tons of friends in military faithful that their wifes cheated on them got caught and still got the house and half his money. Where is the fairness there? He should have to take care of his kids..
A drinky girl that is nasty
I HAVE SEEN ALLOT MORE NON-MILITARY SPOUSE’S CHEAT EVEN MORE THEN THE SERVICE MEMBERS. I HAVE EVEN SEEN A FEW SERVICE MEMBERS COURT MARTIALED FOR CHEATING ON THEIR HUSBAND/ WIFE. IT IS NOT AS WIDE SPREAD AS YOU MAKE IT OUT. VERY FEW CHEATED ON THIER SPOUSES
Gill,
You are right
CINDY,
NOT ALL Soldiers do what happened to YOU!! Some are in such cases as I know of a number of, are major targets for those that ARE looking for a way to get money from any RESOURCE that they can!! MOST do NOT work and yet while the SPOUSE is in HARMS WAY during a WAR, instead of saving money, it is spent and THE SPOUSE THAT IS LEFT AT HOME to take care of those so called CHILDREN is the actual one that is doing the CHEATING!!!! IT HAPPENS ON BOTH SIDES!! YOU just happened to have it happen to you! I am an AirForce Brat, who’s real father walked out on 4 of us and left my mother to fend the best she could on her own. She held down two jobs and was killed in a car accident when I was a young girl! Be thankful that YOU at least get to raise your children and IF their father wants to have something to do with them, be with them, do not be like others and bad mouth the other parent! I went through crap to raise my children and on MY OWN, no help from family, EX, who was NOT military, but received a HUGE settlement that was gone in less than 6 months time. HE has to deal with OUR children NOW that they are GROWN.
Sometimes, it is best to let things go and let God be the navigator! I pray you find peace, comfort from the things that have what seems to be, made you extremely angery at the Military as a WHOLE! Don’t judge them all just because of the bad apples that are EVERYWHERE. May God keep you and your family and I pray you don’t have to go through what “I” did just to raise my family on my own.
Cindy, _I know exactly what you are saying because the same exact situation happened to me. The sad thing is he thinks he did nothing wrong.
Lets hold up here. Please do not generalize all of us in the same boat here. My oxygen thief turned into a filling station, sleeping with over 25 men while i was in the field or serving my Country. While i was sleeping with an M16, she was sleeping with men, disabled men at that. I wish she would have at least got paid. I am divorcing a misfit. In your case your husband was fit more for the Salvation Army. The judge should have ordered him to be cut off in more ways then one. Maybe you was a softy and her seen it coming or a cup cake. Most women in the military date around on their husbands. In the civilian sector it is the men that mainly date around on the woman. Truly you married a loser
I totally agree Cindy! I was a stay home mom for ten years to our disabled son while he was deployed and I found out too that he was having indiscretions the whole time. I went to college in and around his deployments but am about a year shy of having my education degree and now divorced with full custody of our precious Autistic son. I didnt have any money when we divorced and i had to go uncontested with him to his lawyer. I didnt get any portion of his pension. I just needed it for about 4yrs to finish college and get on my feet to take care of our son. He tricked me out of it and I got screwed royally and worse. Our son did too!! I was married to this control freak for 15 yrs and yes he was in the Navy the whole time. Retired and found out he was having an affair but he had been so mentally abusive for so long, I didnt love him anyway. I just feel I should have gotten a fair shot at starting over. My son and I are struggling and living with my mom while he goes to school and works temp jobs at the local Army base and draws pension, disability etc. So I understand your anger, bitterness and resentment. Best of luck to you Cindy
You are what is wrong with the world just because your husband did that to you does not mean all military people are like that. I have been married for 14 years and in the military for 17. I love my wife and three kids and would do nothing to hurt them. I have also been deployed 5 times and never cheated. If you want to know the truth most of the time it is the spouse that cheats when the husband is gone on deployment. I HAVE SEEN IT ON EVERY DEPLOYMENT I HAVE BEEN ON. So you can go to HELL with your steriotype of MILITARY PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!
AMEN CINDY!!! Im a military brat and I watched my mom go through that!
1. I discovered that my (then) ACTIVE DUTY AF MSGT husband is a cross-dresser! We were stationed at Yokota AB Japan at the time; I discovered his secret in May 2007. Wanting to save our marriage, I stayed and endured twice weekly 4 hour round trip train rides into downtown Tokyo. I only left, in August 2007, when it became ABUNDANTLY clear that he was not willing to TRY. Upon my return, from visiting a girlfriend in the apartment below, I discovered that he had been trying on my underwear… It suddenly hit me…if he can’t help himself, when I’m just steps away, what will he do when he retires, we get back to the States, he has no (military) consequences, AND he has access to God knows what/who? In the end, I left for my own safety.
2. An Air Force dependent spouse has to be married to the Active Duty member for a total of TWENTY years AND it has to overlap the AD member’s service. Since I had ‘only’ been married to Aubrey for 17 of his 20+ AD years, I was going to get BUP-CUS. So, even though I KNEW I was going to get BUP-CUS, I KEPT Aubrey’s secret, so he could retire! I’m a cancer survivor, the medical benefits were FAR more important to me than ANY amount of money.
Thank u Cindy
Way to go Cindy. These military retirees need to pay up. They use us then walk away. They should have to give more than half, after being a homemaker, mother, faithful wife for 23 years I deserve it. I do not have a career because he wanted me to stay home with the kids, work part-time and be a homemaker full time. Now our kids are grown and moving on so is he. He is getting away with murder here!
YOU made a CHOICE to not get a job.…once the kids were in school you should have contributed to the household…If the kids are grown and you are still voluntarily unemployed that is your OWN fault.…why should he have to pay for you for the rest of his life, he’s already paid for your very existence for the past 23 years. And I too am a military spouse…one that finds comments like this DISGUSTING.
What about the spouse that cheats and walks out on the military member? I think half the military retirement should be on a case by case basis.
D. Green: Splitting military retirement is done on a case-by-case basis. It is simply considered marital property and the divison is decided by a judge with input from both spouses and lawyers. So sorry if that scenario happened to you.
Ma’am,
Though the USC states the states MAY split th eretirement pay, most of them (liek VA) read it as they MUST. This law has gotten so abused. Why does the govenrment not adjust or refine it? I knwo there are bad situation on bothe sides but, being in the service, I get to see a WHOLE LOT of military really getting screwed. Most, inclduing my husbadn, are willign to give thier ex spouses somethign for thier support but to just spit a figure of 50% like some states do is abuse of this law. What about the cases where the spouse did have a job/skills? This is not even factored in.
What if the spouse does have a job and a degree, but had to accept a job that is not paying anything to help her survive, and take on another job to make it barely..What about that…Just because a spouse may have a degree, it does not mean she can get a job over someone else who has more experience than she does. I have a bachelor’s degree and a associate and certification for Clinical Medical Assistant. But has all that education got me. I big ??? school loan and not a job to help pay for it.??????
I think the spouse should work and get their own retirement…period. Stop using Soldiers as meal tickets!!
I was in school when I met and fell in love with my soldier. I quit school to follow him and support him in his military career. He always promised me that I could go back to school and get my degree. It didn’t happen, he always said there was no money for it. Yet there was money for his stereos, boat, multiple trucks, fishing equipment,etc etc.
After he retired with 20 years of service, I applied for and got a Pell Grant, he accused me of sneaking around him, going behind his back. He didn’t cost him anything. I was working at the Main AAFES Exchange paying for his truck and my car as well as anything else I needed as well as the groceries and I raised 3 kids and moved 19 times in 20 years. He started as a Private 2nd and retired as SFC/E7. I was married to him for 29 years. Ironed uniforms, shined boots, did his field equipment layout prep, sewed on patches. Even though I didn’t sign a contract with the Army I did sign one with him. Finally , gave up on him being faithful to me and cheated on him 1 time to give him a taste of what it feels like. Thank God I am still alive to talk about it.
Deserve a part of his retirement? Yes I do! It was the only thing that was worth anything after all of those years. AAFES doesn’t give anyone retirement unless they were full time. Going back to school is what finally broke us up. You can not judge on just your experince alone. If I could get a job that would support my disabled daughter , her son and I, I would be happy to give him that petty small amount of money BACK! It isn’t even enough to pay the rent with! I am talking about a very small 3 bdrm in Oklahoma. I still have to put anothe $250 with it to pay the rent! My adult Son tells me I live in the ghetto so there you go.
Ever heard of putting your foot down? No honey, we can’t get that new truck, no honey I don’t need a new car…I’m betting you liked all the “Stuff” as much as he did and only regretted it when you realized your marriage was toast and you’d done nothing with your life. If you had really wanted to go back to school you would have found a way to do it the past 19 years. You CHOSE not to do it, just like you CHOSE not to pursue a career/job and you probably CHOSE to be a stay at home mom. Don’t blame him for your poor life choices…you don’t deserve anything, you should have been supporting yourself.
I tried that ‚putting my foot down as you say. telling him I wasn’t going to sign to help him get the latest truck that he fancied. He kept talking and talking and talking about all of the things he had done for me and would not let me sleep so I could go to work with some energy. He kept this routine up for 3 to 4 days. I finally did it so he would let me sleep! He was not only talking to me but if he thought I had fallen asleep he would pull my hair. If I tried going to the couch he would just folow me there and steal my pillows and blankets. That is when I decided that that come hell or hight water I was going to find away back to school and learn how to do something better than just being a cashier or a sales associate/sales clerk. I was going to go and if he got better I would continue to stay with him because I loved him or so I thought I realize now that He didn’t love me and that even though he apoligized and said I wil never do this again he lied. We were co-dependent we both needed someone but it was all wrong.
Be happy you got rid of that loser. We are not all that way.
AMEN.…military members are getting screwed as well. I know friends that are serving in Afghanistan, Iraq etc…who spouses are cheating on them while they are fighting for their freedom. One person wife waited until the military mber dropped his paperwork for retirement and divorced him…leaving him nothing. He would have been homeless if it wasn’t for a friend who took him in until he can find a job. Where is his wife now? With another man living off his retirement check, child support and alimony.
I think Soldiers need to put a lot of effort in their marriages as well as they do their jobs, then maybe their wouldn’t be so many divorces.……
I think the cheater should receive NOTHING!
I agree i just posted a comment where my to be ex. was servicing over 25 men. Since then she has lost her teeth, probably ate them, and gained over 450 lbs. She has high blood pressure and snores with a mask on. based on those facts, it is a matter of time that she will be floating on the clouds
Green these ladies do not get it.
It is fine and understandable that they are taking care of home. But if they are depending solely on the military check that is their job to take care of home. They think a soldier can muti-task and be out serving his Country and them too. Our hoses only fit but so far. Maybe some guys have 2000 foot hose.
We just won a divorce case in Virginia, 11 year marriage, father got primary custody of the young children and wife got NONE of his retirement, she did spend his $30,000 redux retirement advance while he was in Iraq, so I guess she got some of his retirement. But her behavior was so egregious and offensive to the court she got nothing else. There is hope.
Happy to hear it. That means there are still some judges out there that act fairly to the circumstances. I think that is all anyone on here wants…fairness!
That is a shame…how military members are to their spouse
I agree with you about a case by case baisi. In the cilvian world it use to be the man that messed up, but more and more the woman is cheating on the cilvian side and miltary side. That thing I was with hit tyhe block everytime I went to the field. Now after 20 years she not only reveals she was with me for the money, but also that the oldest son is someoone elses. The spouses need to understand that we served for their freedom. They have not earned anything. This makes one wish he was a citzen in another country.
June, although I agree with some of these comments, I disagree about the case by case basis. The law says a judge can grant up to 50%, but it seems to be a given. I’ve been fighting this for 20 yrs, my wife divorced me 2 days after I retired and I did’nt even know it and I was there. I was never served with papers or anything, the day before court , I was at the recruitment office to sign back up for Iraqi Freedom, the next day I went on vacation. Now, 20 yrs later, two judges in New Mexico told me I was going to pay because Calif. said I had to, even though I,m 100% disabled and the only income I recieve is VA disability and SSA, even though it’s protected by Federal Law they granted her $700 a month or jail. We lived together for approx. 5yrs.
The 50% is it 50% of whta that person would get in retirment at the time of divorce or after they put in 10 more years?
TIME OF DIVORCE
Rick you need to be a part of the group 5301, look it up on the Internet. I am a part of it where we are fighting to protect military disability. Under U.S.C Title 38, section 5301 the Federal Courts set aside protection for our disability money, but the State judges work around this, because the Federal Courts did not specifically say the words, exclusion to divorces and alimony. The women that go that low are vindictive and greedy. A guy burned himself completely up in the front of a court house this in protest to this type of decision of the courts. this is why woman should not be excluded from going on the battlefield , because many of them do not give a dame about us veterans.
Could someone please tell me: I am a former military spouse who has been receiving retirement pay. I have just gotten remarried. I understand that I am still entitled to the benefits, but was wondering how I go about changing my name and address on the checks they send me.
Marilyn
This is the BEST answer I have EVER seen ! Noone could’ve said it any better :-)
you remarried go on with your life, you divorce him, you lost it,so leave it behind also,
Serve along side, yes serve along side a military member who is always gone and constantly under stress and decides to abandon his family then talk to the rest of us who did just that. We, the spouses and the children become the causalities of war and military life.
I did that„ My wife in military cheated on me more then once. I didnt fight for any money.. called it a day and left.. I have my own life. I am an adult I can support myself..
Wow.…I would like to shake your hand and even considering the fact she cheated on you and you still let it be. You are a TRUE MAN. I think military pensions should be left alone and everything else should be split up. Spouses have opportunties to make a career for themselves and invest in the future as well. If they choose to sit at home and have five babies then that was your choice. You should always be able to be independent and be in a position to take care of you and your child because life doesn’t stop for you or your spouse. It is the 20th century, get the child support, alimony, property settlement and leave the military pension alone..you didn’t work for it and yes I am a woman!
When the spouse has to constantly move and lost tenure and lose the ability to make contributions via FICA from her own paycheck to follow the active member around to craphole places that don’t pay spouses much because they don’t have to, and that’s IF they can find a decent job. I gave up a wonderful high paying job making more than my spouse to go with him overseas, and could not find a job that would pay more than enough to cover the daycare as my last job did, I was not able to contribute to my retirement fund/Social security. That’s what this is setup for, to protect those who put the need of their spouses job ahead of their own. How much would he have had to pay a nanny/cook/maid/chauffeur If I wasn’ t there doing it, hmmm? Domestic services aren’t free! And then he cheated on me , so damn right, I EARNED my portion of his retirement! It makes up for the money I lost following him around 10 years. Of couse, I have to split the child support becaus he has 5 kids with 4 different women.
YOu know what, you guys probably had three choices..one of which was overseas. I’m willing to bet you jumped on the overseas post for the adventure knowing FULL WELL that you would have to leave your job and might have difficulty finding a new one in a foreign government. I’m willing to bet you were OK with that until he cheated on you…your lack of a job is NOT all his fault…you played a part as well. And on top of it 5 kids by 4 different women…you knew he was a slime ball when you married him.…
I’m sure you were capable of earning your own retirement while you were married. You could have started your own career. Military careers are not the best either. You are responsible for taking care of yourself. Just because you were married doesn’t relive you of that basic responsibility.
Great response! I was married 10 years (non-military), divorced, only asked for CS for my children, was offered the pension, but declined, as I had not been the one to earn it. I remarried a soldier, who had been married for 14 years. he thought the divorce was going smoothly, went to walk through the doors to see the judge, and his ex-wife’s attorney (which my now spouse apid for her to be represented), stopped him and said, “Oh by the way, she is entitled to 35% of your retirement.” He had no knowledge (his fault), and felt he had to cave and agreed to 25%. The kicker, it is until he dies! She has since remarried as well, and gets 1/4 of his monthly retirement.
not sure but won’t your checks be cut off since you got remarried. think you better check this out
Ok. That is you. I have worked my entire life… I married someone 10 years older than me. I worked professional jobs, went to school, and contributed to the household. I quit those jobs to move with him when asked and lost pay increases, retirment, and promotions. I also had a child after he retired. The entire time, I put up with excessive drinking, being called a spousal unit, and giving of my time and money to young Marines and my husband.
As I gave him 1/2 of the retirement I saved, I expect 1/2 of his retirement. He would not have stayed in without my support, he would not have applied for promotions without me telling him he could do it, and he wouldn’t have the life he has without my promting and hard work. I understand that most of you may be hard working men. I am a hard working woman.
I deserve respect and after 18 years of marriage and 25 years of working…I deserve every penny. You read this right…not all Marines are leaders. I am tired of having someone in my home that believes he can treat me like shit, use me, expect handouts, and COMPLAIN. That is the problem. Some of you have been waited on and told what to do all of your life. It is time for you to shut your mouths and stop acting like victims. Those of us that have been away from our families (I still am) don’t have anyone to rely on and we have kids. You are a bunch of stupid asses to be making general statements to women with children that have a home to pay for, childcare, food, clothing, etc. Believe me…you can’t live on 1/2 of ones retirement. I would have stayed married if he literally wasn’t driving me nuts. BTW … did I mention that he only sees his son 4 hours a week and every other weekend? So, who pays the bills? Who does the work?
I love this…you should be able to stand on your own two feet. When you got divorced you took on the decision to raise your kids full time, so do it and quit bitching. I was a single mom of four kids, but I did not cry and wine about how my ex money should be mine. I left knowing what I had to do for my kids and the responsibility that came with it. I am currently married to a marine and he has an ex that wines about this! Let’s face it, you did not serve as the military, yes you supported and maintained the house but last time I looked that is a wife’s job. I do get child support but I do not and no one should rely on it to pay my bills. Go back to school and get a degree, they have so many programs out there that makes it so easy for everyone, but people spend more time complaining. By the way what are you showing your kids that it is ok to rely on men for money, that’s so wrong get with the 2000 and step up to the plate like your ex did for all of us when he served our country. 4hrs a week and every other weekend is standard visitation for divorced parents
I was a CSM wife. There are military spouses who are not even allowed to hold their own id card. I have bee on both sides of the fence. I am also a veteran. There were women who to stay in the house while their spouses was sent to the fields. Some didn’t have enough food to feed the family until he get back, nor if they would get sick they could not go to the clinic. You talk about getting a job. Any women that serve 10 yrs or more on active duty deserve their portion of pay. I went through hell being call names and even wanted to fight me. If i had given him a reason maybe i could see not getting any pay. I was call B#### so much i thought that was my name.
I respect what you have said. But what spouses do not understand is the mental stress us men endure on the battlefield. We watch our buddy’s get their heads shot off, we loose legs and we come home to spouses that have sleep with every Tom, DICK and Harry. Many of them divorce us because of our disabilities. In that case it was no love from the start, but they expect us to stick with them when they start falling apart; teeth falling out, eye balls and all. But also you need to understand that you were given the money buy Congress or the people, not out of what you deserved. If you had to tell your husband to stand up for his rights, then he should have joined the Salvation Army and not the regular Army. The Army is not for Boy Scotts.
Well, maybe no body should serve their Country. Let the enemy come through the walls while the husband is at home pleasing his wife that says she is a casualty. My wife was at home servicing the men in the rear while i was defending her freedom to provide service to many men.
And I thank Uncle Sam, my ex and anybody else who saw the justice in it all!
you will need to contact dfas for more information. hope this helps
Actually, your retirement benefits should stop once you are married and if it is found out you will be forced to pay it back. There is a regulation about spouses remarrying and the stopping of the 50%.
no she does not have to pay it back cause she got remarried, again it is considered as property not as a had out. if you know so much tell us where the regulation is that states that.
I agree that an ex spouse should get a portion of the serviceman’s retirement if she contributed to the success of that service member. But in my case, my ex almost destroyed my career, she is totally, 100% unpatriotic and yet, she gets a portion of my retirement, it erks me to no end. There should be better laws protecting the ones that protect this country. It has got to stop.
My mother was marrie to my Vietnam era father for 27 years, 22 of those years were while he was actively serving. He abandoned her, divorced her against her will, but their divorce decree says that she is entitled to all military benefits coming to her. He then remarries and later dies. The second wife, who never spent a minute with him in the Army, applies for his benefits and gets it. I had been screaming at my mother all those years that thsoe where her benefits. She nows has Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s, and I am attempting to get her the benefits she is entitled to. The VA says since she was not married to dad when he died, she is not entitled to his benefits??? They will not even consider the fact that their divorce decree is a Court Order. How is that a second wife who never spent a day with my father in his military service was eligible for his benefits when my mother who spent his whole enlistment married to him adn has a divorce decree saying the benefits are hers, … is getting the shaft from the VA? I don’t get it!
Rose, I am going thru the same exact thing. My father served during the Vietnam and Korean eras, and my parents were married for 22 years. She had to move around, work, and raise her children alone during his deployments. When they divorced in the early 80’s, the divorce decree stipulated that my mother was to receive a portion of my father’s military pension and she did until his death in 1994. After that, his new wife that he had no children with, and was married to for only 7 years go the whole shabang! You tell me where is the justice!!! My mom didn’t abandone her marriage, my dad left her. Now in her seventies, she has to split her social security check with my dad’s wife, and get no other benefits. Let me know if you make any headway with the VA because we haven’t it’s a sad situation for the spouses of enlisted and retired military that did what they were suppose to do during wartime and were given the shaft!
I am in a similar predictament I had sbp and because of improper wording
In my divorce decree that I was unaware of… even my husband thought I would be getting the sbp must be started within a year but worded properly in the decree before one can continue to pay for it. I thought when I stated that I wanted the sbp upon his retirement that he was a given. My ex wants wants his new wife to receive it. the new wife who did not live him one day while in the service plus did not have to move and give up her job has retirement from Canada.
Rose she has to be granted surviors benifits and military retirement in the divorce. retirement is considered community property. and she qualified as a 20/20/20 spouse because she served 20 years crediable service. But within one year of divorce she has to submitt a decree to dfas! otherwise she looses Her right to surviors benifits! That is what so many woman do not realize and are not told! I am going through the same thing! congress can overturn it! And only Congress! So write your congressman or woman!
My husband’s ex-wife is getting 50% of his retirement. He was 40% disabled. He has now received 10% more disability, which makes him 50% disabled. Therefore, his retirement will increase. How do we keep his ex-wife from receiving more of his retirement than at the time of the divorce?
How many years was he married while active duty? Sounds like it was for a long time. So, you want to shaft the former “LONG TERM” wife who committed to her husband’s career so YOU won’t suffer? Were you the reason for the divorce? Did your husband dump his wife when he retired like so many do in order to pursue the life he felt he gave up with a younger woman?
You should have thought about this before you hooked up with a military man who was in a long term military marriage.
@Lynn. How can you condemn a person when you have NO idea what the circumstances are ? For all we know his former spouse had a boyfriend while he was gone during his years of service. (an example) It is NOT your place to judge. And I, for one, agree with unfair_rights. The former spouse is already getting half of his retainer/retirement as it is. (that she does NOT deserve) She didn’t fight the battle. So she stayed home, maybe with the kids. Big deal. Why should anyone have to pay a former spouse FOR LIFE ????
Thanks Becky couldn’t have said it better! Also, unfair rts. Your husband need to look at the divorce decree. Is the amount specified in the divorce paperwork? If not the x can get a portion of it if she knows about it. If it is pulled directly from his check there is nothing you can do.
Well, maybe because SHE gave up a lot to sacrific for HIM. He married her knowing he might not be around much.…TDY.…yeah right. Not to mention, being home raising children is a commendable thing for anyone to do. Ha, sit in a building talking shit all day long with your buddies isn’t hardly a hard thing to do. “Fight the battle” give me a fucking break, I was active duty for 20 years and trust, the only battle I experienced was mitigating men who thought they were hot shit, and wanted to “get with me”…oh I forgot, they were married men.
thank you, for that reply, i reply and mines got kick off, the military covers for the cheating solders, i am a female retired and i was raped 3 times and all they did was send me to a diferent place, we deserve half of everthing they get to include the ptsd they put on us, the military is resposible for things they do and all they do is nothing, theses soldiers be it man or woman need to be delt with
and why is it when they get hiv, they just move the soldier and never tell any one so the soldiers get to another duty station and starts all over again, that is so wrong. people get AIDS and the army does nothing but move them, and i am a soldier and i think they deserve for what ver time they were with them and they deserve disablity for the crap they have been put through
Military retirement that is disposable is considered eligible for equal distribution. Any disability payments receieved from prior military service is not part of the 50% that can be counted as military retirement subject to division of property. Here is a website to go to that explains a little about it. You should speak to a lawyer that is knowledgable in these cases.
http://usmilitary.about.com/od/divorce/a/divretpa…
Disability pay is not disposable income, it is for injuries received while on active duty, or began on active duty and the former spouse is not entitled to any part of that whatsoever. Retirement income is differrent and the DoD has a whole book of rules governing that. Disability income comes mostly from the VA, and retirement income comes from Department of the Army. Each case is unique, so do some checking to see if it applies to your individual case. Don’t be quick to judge, you don’t know what’s in the mix. Do your homework! If you are getting a divorce, get a LAWYER with KNOWLEDGE of MILITARY BENEFITS. Trust me, you will save time, money and saneness later on in the future. Hope this helps, God Bless everyone reading this…
I just read something about your situation. Nothing should happen, because that is it. Unless he wants to volunteer out of kindness. Let things flow, he deserves it.
Vets for Vets
You knew he had been married before, You should have figured that out before you married him that there was baggage. Most likely she should be entitled to a lot more than she got. If you are like my exspouses’ new wifey you are using the Military ID Card that should have been mine! I helped him earn it! I was with him for 29 years and because I wasn’t married to him during his 3 months in boot I didn’t get to keep the ID. You should count your blessings at least you will have that and his social security when he passes. You will get to shop on base where prices are lower than on the outside. Even if you wind up with food stamps they will go a lot farther in the Comm than they do at Walmart!
You think it’s unfair that the ex continues to get half, even with increases? Well, maybe you should just suck it up and mind your own business when it comes to matters that occured between your husband and his wife. None of you making negitive comments seem to understand, the LAW says a spouse who was married for 10 years or more to an active duty member is ENTITLED to HALF! Cracks me up everytime I see someone crying about it. The law is clear…get over it!
Disposable retired pay is the product of the gross retired pay entitlement minus several things including amounts based on disability (per Title 10, Chapter 61). His disability is separate from his retired pay.
You don’t! She is granted that and believe or not it is fair! I know it is hard to understand but We as wives give up,put up and sacrafice like you will never know! And I am sorry you are feeling cheated! But lwhen we married a military man. We were told a wife is not issued! And that is exactly how we are treated most of the time! We are basically single mothers with everything that goes with that! I pray she was atleast a good woman! And with increases she is entitled if a quardo or court order is writen that way!
kill her
Former Spouses’.…..GREED WILL EAT YOU ALIVE ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Yep. It’s a “war”, isn’t it? The younger and newer model replacing the well worn former long term wife has become part of the fantasy life of the military guy who dumped the woman he used up. Now “she” has children and “needs” and “wants”. Of course she is going to agree with him! After all, she CHOSE to hook up with a guy with baggage; might have even been the reason for the divorce. Forget the “community of women” and who cares if I am ruining the life of another woman who devoted who knows how long to a man who was using her for his benefit.
Always amazes me how these opportunistic women can’t seem to find single men and ruin the lives of other women who could probably be their mothers.
I hope you weren’t thinking that I agree with the former spouse taking a portion of the Military Members Retirement/Retainer. Because I totally disagree ! The former spouse did NOTHING to deserve it !
Do we see truckers spouses’ getting anything for LIFE ? I think not. They are gone from home alot too.
So have your husband cheat on you and then see how you feel. I have supported my husband 110% and then he decides he’s GAY!!! Yea, I have suffered and supported him.….and look what happened. Does he needed to hand over some support.…YES. I did my part, he changed his mind.
P.S. Being mean to others when you don’t know all the details…think about that.
oooo the GREED makes the world go round and round and the cheating military spouses and non-custodial parents is what makes the GREED continue, so SUCK IT UP AND MIND YOUR BUSINESS!!!!!!!!!!!!
AMEN!!!! When the enlisted spouse has been injured and PTSD and other things are involved, some look at the enlisted as a Meal ticket! And that IS NOT RIGHT!
I’m a military retiree and my wife and I divorced 3+ years ago. She was awarded roughly 50% of my retirement pay. I don’t have an issue with that because she truly earned it. My question is about the circumstances under which she would no longer collect half of my retirement pay. I realize that she would no longer collect this benefit if she remarried or died. In the case of death, do I once again collect 100% of my pension, or does it become part of her estate of which she can designate a new beneficiary? For instance our children?
If the funds she receives is listed in the decree as marital or community property, she does not lose it upon remarriage.
is that true? if you get remarried, can you still get your benefits? Mine was awarded as divisible property.…..
This is not true, there is a military regulation that says if a spouse gets remarried that she must notify the proper authorities so the 50% stops. What are you talking about. It has the same effect as if she passed away, the money goes back to the soldier.
No, read the USFSPA. There are ex spouses receiving off multiple service members.
Marilyn is correct, it continues until the death of either one of them, and sometimes after the death of the soldier if SBP is involved. The only thing lost in remarriage is Tricare if they were eligible for it. It is a really bad law that breeds greedy ex’s
Hahahaha.…breeds greedy ex’s.…what about the deserving ex’s? You people crack me up!
there are faaaaar more greedy whiny ex’s then deserving ones that I’ve met. Currently have one in the unit cheating on her deployed husband (married 10 years) because she says he’s “boring”. He treats her like gold and provides anything she wants. She holds a fed job and there are no kids but she still insists she deserves 50% of his retirement pension for life and is laughing about the fact that he has to give her BAH while she shacks up with the boyfriend. I’ve seen far more of this situation, and ones where spouses refuse to ever work then I have of scumbag men walking out. I know they are out there and in those cases, yea take him for what he’s got but you know what…there are women who make an industry of doing nothing but leeching off of men and it is SICK
who cares, i slept with soldiers’ wives, officer’s wives, peoples moms, sisters, daughters, i could care less if their husband is military or deployed or his or in some cases their rank is. im all about gettin in that ass
there is no such reg
You are wrong! SBP stops, but not retired pay.
Wrong answer, if it states in the divorce that it is community property the ex can re-marry over and over again and still get the check.…..
That does that applies to all former spouse that if they remarry the payment will stop or does it varies from one state to another? My husband’s ex has been receiving payments after he retired and she remarried earlier than him. She also continues to get the raise whenver their is a pay raise on the retirement check. I am the seconde wife and been thru longer in the military, married longer to him than her. I don’t have issue about the money what’s due for her but i felt that she already got what she deserves and it’s time for my husband to enjoy what he had work hard! Afterall, the marriage and the separation we’re both agreed upon.
Kevin,
once she dies the money goes back to you. You must let the VA know about the deaf, that is the regulation. If you die, her benefit stops. She in your eyes earned it, but only until you pass away.
Vet for Vets
Sorry your wrong payments only stop when one of you dies.
you get 100% when see passes.
According to the military if your ex-spouse dies, the benefits will revert back to you, but unless the VA is aware of the deaf, someone else might take the money as it is direct deposit. So, you need to keep up with the ex-spouse to knowher status, so you can inform the VA. I am certain you will need a death certificate, divorce decree and marriage certificate to verify things.
My ex wife and I were married 5 years prior to getting a Divorce. She was awarded 12.5% of my retirement pay. Since she earned a portion of my retirement as a result of being married to me she now gets 12.5% of my before tax retirement pay each month via an allotment check. QUESTION.
Who is responsible for paying income tax on that 12.5% that she recieves??
she is just as I am.
YOU DO SILLY GUY! SINCE WHEN DID YOU THINK A GUY GETS FAIR TREATMENT? YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN A BETTER LAWYER. i PERSONALY WOULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT BEFORE i GAVE MY EX ANYTHING. tHAT IS WHY MOST WAIT AND SERVE PAPERS AFTER THE RETIREMENT.
She is responsible, just like child support if you are paying that, it reduces your earnings and increases hers.So, your taxes would be less, many people do not know that.
There is no definite answer here as it is based on your circumstances. My husband’s divorce specified since they were married less than 10 years if the military will not pay her direct (they won;t) it is taxable to him and he is to deduct from her payments,
the best way to get that back is buying a gun
married 15 years div, then 5 years later she wants my retirement, never asked for it in the orig div can she do that
I don’t think she can. she had to ask for it in the divorce decree.
jimmy, no she cannot. when you divorced her rights to your retirement ended. also if you did not convert the sbp to former sbp wihin the 1 year time fram of the divorce, she is not entitled to your benefits and if she/attorney did not use the deemed election route within 1 yr of the divorce, no she cannot. this is how the military looks at it. now with ssa that could be different story so check with them regarding your social security. I would contact an attorney who is knowledgeable in the military law for more information of your rights. hope this helps
Actually she can…I had no idea about the USFSPA. I was married for almost 11 years to a spouse in the United States Navy. He left me for my friend. Had me legally kicked out of the house we built from the ground up and agreed to keep the children for the following 18–24 months after doing so until I got on my feet. This has been a struggle. I have yet to find work. He left me with nothing. No furniture. A car that he wrecked 2 weeks prior to the divorce being final. It barely works.He took everything and tried to make it seem like I came out on top. I was left penniless. Its been 8 months and I have yet to find work. I ended up having to move back home with my mother. I’m 31 and sleeping on an air mattress in my brother’s old room. I feel horrible. He changed the date to have me vacated out by without my knowing and less than 2 months later, had my ex friend and her children moved in. Since I was a stay at home mom, I couldn’t afford a lawyer. He served me with divorce papers at 1130 at night after coming from her house. All I could do was cry. I felt powerless to stop it. He just didn’t want me anymore. So about 2 weeks ago, I learned of the Uniform Services Former Spouse Protection Act. I was told that I had the rest of my life to fight for my percentage. I was also told that if it wasn’t in the divorce decree, if i could get him to sign off on a certain percentage and get it notarized and faxed in with my divorce decree, there’s a 90% or greater chance that it would get awarded to me. As I type this, on another screen I am working on the decree/addendum to send him.
Good luck to you Brandi, I hope you get what you deserve if what you wrote here are all true. I am a second wife and been married to my husband for 20 years /been in the military for 12 years with him. He was married with his ex for 10 years and she is getting 1/3 of his retirement check and remarried. I have no problems for those that deserves the money just like you but his ex is remarried and probably making more money between her and her husband. Yours was different, I will pray for you.
bet u wish u thought about getting that in the divorce decree sooner
Don’t think so Jimmy…lucky break for you!
I am in the process of divorcing my husband of 37 years who is a retired navy man. He retired after 22 years and began receiving his retainer pay until his official retirement date of 2001. I was married to him 21 years and 8 months of his service and the remainder of our marriage. Why am I not entitled to medical and exchange previledges?
Sad that you have to drag his coat tails and fight for the crumbs that fall from his table. Sad little lady so sad you cannot fend for yourself without holding your hands out for something that is earned by a SOLDIER and not you!
I wanted to go back to school to finish my education that I stopped to follow him. He always said that as soon as all the kids were in school I could go back. when our last child graduated from school I asked him again to keep his promise to let me go back to school only to be told there wasn”t any money for it. That is funny as there sure seemed to be enought money for his trucks, boats, fishing equipment etc etc. I then went and got a Pell Grant. instead of getting a hey that is the way to do it he said, ” you went be hind my back! You just sneaked around to do that against my wishes! He acted like I had cheated on him. Then he said I was to old and if I did learn something who in their right minds would hire and old person like me . I did clean that up some as I do not want to offend. I supported him in many ways. I did his mail order studies as he didn’t either want to, have time to, or brains to. I polished boots, ironed uniforms, etc etc for him as he was a cook and didn’t have time to make fancy cakes for change of commands and owc etc I did them and he got the credit for it.
We moved 19 times in 20 years. I raised 3 kids mostly by myself even when he was home he was either watching tv or sleeping. He was absent from his family. I worked for AAFES 18 and 1/2 years the only ones who got retirement were those who worked full time and we were never in one place long enough for me to get to that point. So earning my own retirement? How in this world could I have done that?
hello have you contacted DEERS for more information? Receiving retirement is based on who is the primary wage earner. because of your marriage of 20 years, you should be entitled to his retirement. please look into this also see the rules for survivor benefits for acive duty members. it was almost the same for me after moving so many times. but just look into it so that you can get a better understanding.hope this helps you too. please disregard the comment below too.
your story sounds credible except for moving around 19 times in 20 years. I know military personnel move quite a lot, buut once a year? I served for 22 years and I have never seen or heard of moving that many times especially for a “COOK”. So, are you telling a “fibb” here?
sounds like a personal problem to me
would like to make a comment to you because if you have never been a military spouse before then you have no idea how much support, love, and longevity was given. to be honest it not about a hand out it is about entitlement. it also works the same as ssa. everyone is entitled to benefits regadless. you also dont know if the spouse was working the entire time of their marriage either. believe it or not it works both ways in the military and civilian world. i hope and pray you are never in a situation like this but if it happens please remember how you responded to the question above. then you will realize what been there done it means. hope this help you too
the 2 comments from the former spouse above are directed to the GET A LIFE INDIVIDUAL.
Be nice Get a Life. She deserves something if not everything. This is coming from the second wife who’s husband ex is receiving 1/3 of his retirement pay and I’m not bitter. I learned to let it go any kind of GREED and concentrate of what we have left. When you do that , the Grace comes easy :-) Peace!
No you get a life, she deserves every penny. To put up with all that B.S.
Because you did not serve 20 years in the military, why is this such a surprise. As your ex-husband did years ago, you too should have joined the military!
You my friend are ignorant and assume something you may not know anything about. I am a miltiary spouse and have been off and on for 22 1/2 years. I TRIED to go into the military when I was young as I am very driven. The service would not let me join as I had two children with the active duty member. Back when I wanted to join if you didn’t marry after joining you both could not be in the service. So, by me supporting my husband I could not join. So does that make you feel better soldier1975?
Not trying to be mean but you know what they say about when you assume.… Also, like these woman that are posting I have given up a lot in the last 22 years. Friends, Family, My Youth, my whole life revolved around my husbands schedule. Working multiple jobs to pay bills because the active duty miliary income was not enough and he couldn’t work more because he was in the military. He also didn’t mind me working myself to death because he never wanted for anything. Minot North Dakota didn’t help for 14 years being from the South. But I hung in there for the military member. But today, 22 1/2 years later I feel distant, tired, broken, and cheated.
I feel you girl.
I am still the one that works hard while he works 7:30–4:30 and has NEVER gone overseas. So MR. Soldier as I take it you are quite sensitive to the subject.… You are saying I would not be entitled to miliary benefits or half his retirement? I held him up, struggled with him, worked more than him, lived in a place so distant from family I didn’t get to see them hardly for 14 years, and ran behind him fixing things (like bank accounts) so he would not get in trouble. If you are saying that then honestly soldier you need to think about things and not all situations are the same. Years ago it wasn’t so easy to join if you were married to an already active duty member. I supported the military and still do. I am a Soldiers Angel. Life just dealt me a bad hand but everyone deserves to be happy.
Thank you for your service. I hope life is well for you.
We did as wives , we had watch all our actions and made sure kids did not get husbands in trouble. I iron his clothes, sew the patches, Try save money, goes buy a dog for girlfriend . Late on a car payment. He was thinking with ding dong, Damn right we deserve it. No I not overweight fat person. I get more looks then he does, looks like he 70 and I’m 50.
olivia, you are entitled to some of these privileges. it is call the 20/20/20 rule and you can find it on the deers website. i being married for 15 yrs 3 months am going through divorce with my service member. 20 yrs of service 15 yrs married and i might be able to keep my id card for exchange and commissary privileges. check the deers website under former spouse.
Part Two–
Divorce. Ment finding out just how bad things were. The the civillian women that worked around him that would come to our home or meet us out for dinner, ones that chatted with me, these were his lovers.
This causes one to loose much of their personal self. My idenity was no longer the E-5 that I had been, I had become the wife. The one at a phone call notice was having upwards of 20 people show up for dinner. To hear crap talked about my marriage with me right there
Divorce. Ment finding out just how bad things were. The the civillian women that worked around him that would come to our home or meet us out for dinner, ones that chatted with me, these were his lovers. __This causes one to loose much of their personal self. My idenity was no longer the E-5 that I had been, I had become the wife. The one at a phone call notice was having upwards of 20 people show up for dinner. To hear crap talked about my marriage with me right there
PART THREE–
Thank You I served my country. Thank You I served my military member. Yet, I have given up all that I had worked for for those 24 years of marriage, the friendships of the true friends, the future plans of retirement travels and the honeymoon that had never happened, I lost the life time medical and the life time commissary and base exchange rights.. I had helped “us” to make a life, to live a life, I was part of something that took us from broke newlyweds to middleage with a home and furnishing and the status quo of the position that I helped him achieve.
Thank you, I struggle, but I will survive.
Part Three -
Thank you. I served my country. Thank You I served my military member. I gave up all — is that not what a spouse is supposed to do. To support the other. Thank you I did my job with pride. We went from being broke young nothings to middleaged with stuff and status quo. He went from no college to going for his masters degree. I lost every dream “we” had discussed — retirement, trips, marriage, income. Lifes different when you loose income froom 150K a year to barely 30K a year. Thank You. And do not call me names.
PART ONE _
I was married while at my first base, I got out at my 10 year mark to raise our children. The base day care system was horrible for our children. At my own halfway mark mind you.
He stayed in the military. His life was full of TDY’s times of returning home with new jackets and the forgotten condoms in the pockets.. Or when he would leave for TDY and I would put up his clean clothing — only to run across condoms in the drawers.
I stayed home and raised our children, ran the house, took care of maintenance on home and yard.
When he would be home, he would be out on the golf course and return home drunk. There would be promises of things to be done together as a family — yet those things to this day have never come about.
.
Condoms are all over the post you just pick them up sometimes because they’re free.
you shouldve stayed in or had a better family care plan and now u are divorced
Ellen, the name I would call you is courageous. You represent most of the wives that Curtis, Jim, and Kim criticized. I, too, am a wife that put family first. I did work outside the home and that was held against me in the divorce settlement. Now he is able to provide for a younger wife and the earlier selfish comments have the nerve to say we are underserving of a share (which is not a fair share) of the military pay. You reap what you sow.
Ellen i so agree with what your saying.i was entitled and did not know it till i had to have a biopsy done.Then found out i was entitled tocoverage,first.and it was in my divorce decree to get part of the retirement.My exhusband fell in love with the bottle and out of love with me.
So if anyone wants to accuse me of is it all about money let them it really isn’t it’s about surviving.in this evil world comming up arising about us.
anyway anybody who wants to comment and accuse me of anything fire away,and then let me know when you are finished. ok?
sincere thanks
Trish
for those of you in the military remember this when you marry and have a family that is your choice and it is unsaid but discouraged by the military itself. Knowing this you also are aware that your spouse shares you enlistment and carries a heavy burden when you are deployed or tdy at school. that person is an anchor for you and goes through a separation from you with very limited support. I too am an ex military spouse and i was totally screwed by my ex who is coming up on retirement in about a year. this man not only cheated on me in my face but fraternized with another solider and brought her to his battalion being he is a personnel sgt he did this with ease. at the time i worked for the military as a contractor also fully supported all soldiers assisting them with training. I was a military spouse coordinator and received an award for supporting the battalion during operation desert storm. I continued to support and work with the military after our divorce. he begged me not to go to his commander the whole battalion new and didn’t say a word about it. And during our separation and divorce i actually worked in the same building as a training facility mgr. thinking back i should have burned his a–. because i had to be humiliated during the whole fiasco. I kept my head up and gave him an uncontested divorce. when i married this man he was a reservist and later went agr right before we got married. we did not argue or have any real marital problems for 8 good years then he got stupid. I would not stay with someone who did not want to be with me. even before we got married i made it clear that if at anytime he wanted out man up and tell me. But no his was a typical lying ___ man. I am not vindictive in fact i was too nice. well he married her and now is going through pure hell. he deserves it because she calls the police on him every time he farts and she smells it. i did not think it was fair to destroy his career because of the this but in hind site and reading all this crap i really wish i had. i came out of this divorce with nothing. what pisses me off is he did this and i had to be the one explaining to my child why he left. fair huh? that’s why karma is what it is. i invested my time, my life and to this military man and the military itself for 10 years that he could never give me back for what? so he can hold on to his retirement? please if someone devotes their life to their marriage and is a good wife and mother and supports you fully who are you to complain about your crappy retirement. Give that person back those years when they could have been happy with someone else. How much do you think those years of your life with that individual is worth. You cant replace it that is why getting half your retirement comes into play because you were not serving by yourself anymore you family was serving with you. note to those current military spouses you better educate yourself because the military protects its own and does not give a crap about you. your whole life style has to change, you constantly have to move your whole house and adjust your family to a new environment, everything you do effects his career because he is a soldier 24/7 and unless the soldier is around you are treated like crap when you do need assistance from them. I would be fine with the ten years i dedicated to him and his services back therefore never meeting him in the first place. note to soldiers don’t get married if you feel that the one you marry is not entitled to any benefit of years at your service.
Thank you so much for your story, although your story brought me tears but it was also relief. I was married to a soldier only for 8 months but his girlfriend for 7 years and when I visited Hawaii to find out why he was neglecting me and the kids to my surprise he has a new life. The sad thing is that Yes, Army members are sleeping with each other and is well aware but I guess as long as no one speak of this matter it is swept under the rug…
Amen, Neveragain. The sad part is that if you are entitled to anything on paper, you still have to pay attorneys out the nose to represent you.…you win…, but in the end, when he bites the dust, what you fought for and won is given to new wife #2 because he made sure she gets it all.
And wife number two should be left in the dust? That’s a crock it’s your own fault that you didn’t have SBP or a life insurance named in the divorce decree…pay for your own stupidity
Neveragain having read this, I have to say this is the part were I say as a former service member and man: “What a totally F**Ked up individual!! The worse part is this is the type of person who always gets away with it. I see them in their little groups talking about how they go over on their former spouses, even telling me “you should have got a better lawyer. My former spouse may have been a lot of thing bad, but she did give up all that she that she knew to be with me and that’s enough for me. I believe you are a good woman who ran into the wrong idiot. I am sorry for your loss in time and that this happened to you, I can only wish you the best and honor the fact that you were there even when he felt he didn’t need you. I have seen many good women turned away from good servicemen and i hope this finds you in good spirits in a better life!!
Go to DFAS and see the DFAS Regs, and 2008 Uniformed Services Former Spouses Protection Act. There is ALOT of information but it will clear things up for you. Go by FACTS not what people are saying. This is about YOU and NOT about these strangers that are “commenting” what they believe to be true and not true. Again and Again, deal with an EXPERT that SPECIALIZES in Military Divorce. It’s sad because once you sign a Divorce Decree, the deal is done, no going back unless you can prove wrongful attempt. Something does need to be done to PROTECT the soldier. When you are married for a long time, and beatened down in most cases, you are pretty much “dazed” when you get a divorce, not thinking right. Something has to be done to protect the SOLDIER to make things FAIR when it comes to Retired pay. ATLEAST using the formula method they get what is deserved, no more. When a PERCENTAGE is awarded, it’s clearly not right.
TL;DR
To Never Again.…Totally agree.…..the years we were married to these liars.…There is not a monetary price. tag you can attach to it.…..They fight for a measly chunk of change…and that is what they are worth…and they guard it with their life.….
When these guys are old.….they will remember their evil deeds.…and no one will come to their rescue.…..They have earned this evil..curse upon their lives.…
(part 1) kudos to you neveragain! KUDOS!! i was a military wife for 13 years. raised HIS son from a previous marriage and had a daughter between us. i was put in ‘charge’ of the pcs-ing, re-integrating our kids into the community, finding doctors, dentists, day cares AND new jobs for ME every time we moved! i handled our finances, bought the houses, cars– you name it! all for the sake of this military man. he cheated for the last 5 years of our marriage. most likely our entire marriage, but i have no proof. he fratinized with lower ranking single MOTHERS because they were easy targets. i was our family’s ‘anchor’.
I was married the first time in 82 while in the military. Divorced her in 93 and in the divorce decree it stated she would get her portion of my retire pay once I did retire…guess it was an unknown at the time. Anyway, we remarried each other in 95, had another child but then soured again in 2003. This time there was no mention of my retirement pay in the divorce decree (I finally did retire in 97) and thats how I wanted it because she had gone way out of control and I knew I would be caring and raising my three kids alone and with no help from her. Of course she signed off on the decree…not sure how I pulled that off but it was probably because I was going to bring in child services because of her abuse and neglect of the kids. So now she is attempting to bring up the first divorce decree and trying to get some money because she is still a looser. Am I crazy or does her attorney think there is a chance??
You should ask a lawyer, but I believe the first divorce decree stands — she will likely receive a part of your retirement pay.
The first will stand however is she paying you child support ? If not fry her with that .
I am currently going through a separation from my spouse. He is currently retired after 20 years in the military. I was married to him for 16 of those years. We have three children together and I have one from a previous marriage that is his step child whom have lived with us for 18 years. Would my 18 year old child still be entitled to benefits if we divorce. He is listed on his DD214 and part of his disability check is rated on this child? I am afraid that because he does not want the divorce, that he will take away the benefits from his stepchild just because he is mad at me. Also, I am not the one that is causing the divorce. I just got fed up after so many years of his cheating and having no respect for our marriage or his children. Also I know that I am entitled to a portion of his military pay, but will I also be able to get the disability check as well due to it being based on the kids and him not having them.
michelle, unfortuantely if your child was not legally adopted, they will loose their military benefits because the child is not his biological child. You biological children with the military member will continue to recieve benefits untl 26yrs of age.
I know this was what you did not want to hear but i just wanted let you know this is how the military law states who gets what. you can still talk to an attoryney who is knowledgeable in mitlitary law for more info. hope this helps.
Those who complain about only receiving 50% of retirement for being married to a militaty retiree need to check wiyth DFAS before sending in divorce decree to learn of the requirements for eligibility. DAFES recognizes monetary division of retired pay in divorce decrees.All retirees retired pay is on a case by case basis.ie allotments,debt to Gov.etc. Good luck.
There are a ton of stories about service members cheating on their spouses and ditching them. I sympathize with them and they shouldn’t be ignored. With that being said, I am a service member getting divorced after 10 years of marriage while in the service. I haven’t once cheated on my spouse. My spouse has cheated on me multiple times, and was even having online romances and sending care packages to other soldiers with love letters and adult photos while ignoring me almost completely while deployed. I chose to try and work through it, and I got what I got. I am not going to cry about it. My ultimate goal was to retire with my spouse and family and grow old together. That isn’t going to happen anymore, but what will happen, is that she gets 50% of my retirement pay, alimony, and child support. The last dude she cheated on me drives the best car I could afford for my family. He brags about using my ex’s alimony money to buy his cloths and party. They both just mostly sit at home and smoke weed now. Unfortunately I still have 5 years left until I retire. Not all stories are about service members ignoring and leaving their spouses, and there is usually two stories to every divorce. Yes my spouse had it rough holding down the home during my 12 month deployments. I missed her so much, missed my kids so much, at least she wasn’t getting shot at and blown up while we were separated.
I am so sorry to hear that this has happen to you and if you provide me with your address when you deploy again I will be happy to send you care packets. I was hurt by a service member stationed in Hawaii and I to know how it feels to be hurt.
I am a military spouse whose spouse cheated on her repeatedly throughout our marriage. Our relationship was very tumultuous and sometimes, even violent. I am also, well aware of the fact that this does not just happen amongst the soldiers. I lived on base. I heard about and seen first hand many instances where the spouse was the cheater or the instigator. All you can do is go on with your life. Take care of your children. Don’t forget to take care of yourself as so many who care for others do. In the end you will be the one living a better, more fulfilled, and happier life.
id bang ur wife too if she was hot. hooah
I am eligible to receive a portion of my former spouse retirement via a stipulated divorce decree (please, no bias–no facts provided surrounding the issues by which the divorce was granted).
I started to proceeding after the date retirement by applying with the DOD; I hired an attorney. All that’s required to finish the application is a copy of the accumulative point sheet.
In the immortal words of Gomer Pyle “Su-prise, su-prize, su-prise”…the retiree refuses to respond to any communications, hangs up when I call, will not sign for certified letter request.…avoiding an court order is not smiled upon where I’m from…it’s just plain dumb.
Now I have to contact the DOD and ask for an time extension because I will have to re-file a motion in my local superior court wasting time, money, etc.
Is there any other recourse in subpoenaing the point sheet? I understand that the soldiers last unit can be subpoenaed for the point sheet; is this true and do you have any other suggestions?
I have had to call DFAS about my former spouse getting her share of pay because they mess up sometimes. I see the garnishment on my RAS and she wasn’t getting paid so call them
Terry: I don’t know about the ability to subpoena anything from a former unit, but it doesn’t hurt to ask. Contacting your lawyer is a good idea. I would also recommend contacting DFAS directly to see if they have pearls of wisdom as you’re not the first ex to be left hanging when it comes to receipt of retired pay. Try this number: 800–321-1080. Good luck to you.
My ex husband is supposed to give me half of his retirement and I need to know how I can find out if he is retired. I was told by medical personnel that my child’s insurance said that it was retired status, but he got defensive when I mentioned it and I did not get wheter or not he was retired out of him. We have not been divorced but a litlle over a year and we have had a court date to go back for him to reduce child support since about 5 or 6 months after the divorce. It keeps getting continued. He is only paying half of the child support that he is supposed to pay and has been for about 6 months. He does not tend to tell me the truth so I don’t believe anything he tells me. He cheated on me with at least a dozen women while he was activated to another city in our own state, so there is NOOOOO trust what-so-ever.
I have been married for 12yrs to my husband who has served in the Marine Corp for 23yrs and is set to retire in 3months(August 7). Just recently I found out that he has had affairs through the course of our marriage and he is wanting a divorce. I am devasted to say the least and mostly scared financially since I entrusted my husband to be in charge of all of our finances..We do have checking&savings together as well as mutual funds, life insurance policy, IRA and I have 401k from my employment..
My husband told me that I will be dropped from health ins(TriCare) and that I will need to obtain my own health insurance, plus I will have no more rights to base!
Is this all true? What are my rights and would I be entitled to anything?
Can’t belive this is happening!
Once divorced since you weren’t married 20 years (with him being in all 20 of those years), he is correct, you will loose TriCare and all base privileges. You can opt to pay for continuation (like Cobra insurance) for a short period of time but that is all.
All other assets, IRA, 401k, pension etc are up for grabs. If you go after his pension make sure you get it in the divorce decree that he has to elect for SBP with you as the named beneficiary otherwise the pension payments stop when he dies.
It is true because the length of marriage did not meet 15 or 20/20 rule. you will not be eligible for any base priveleges either. however you are eligible for coninued health benefits (CHBC) look on the tricare website for more info but the premiums are very high. as far as all of the joint accounts you need to specify in the divorce degree of how you want things to be divided. it may be a fight but it is well worth it. don’t worry about all of the affairs just worry about you. you need to make sure you have all account numbers the amount and check the beneficiary status for ira and 401k. this can be worked on due to a mutual agreement as well. be sure to hire you an attorney who understand the military divorce laws. hope this helps
My husband is retired Navy. His ex-wife is receiving 40 percent of his retirement. In their divorce decree it states that she is to be recognized as the “only wife” or “first wife” regarding his benefits. I would like to go back to school and understand that I could use his unused credits of the GI Bill. Does anyone know if the way the divorce decree is listed if I would now be uneligible for this?
your husband had to choose former spouse survivor beneft coverage especially if it was stated in the divorce decree. whether he remarries or not this will not change because of the length of the marriage. for his
GI Bill, there is a law concerning the lengh of time a member need to use. take a look the law regarding the bill and the law that protects former spouse and survivors benefits. hope this helps
15 years! That only lets you keep commissary and Exchange priviledges for 1 yr. You have to be 20 –20 –20 to get to keep any of that. 20 –20–15+ only gets you next to nothing! I am in the same boat! No shopping allowed on base. No Military ID. All those years and only children to show for it!
I left my country ( germany ) for him . I knew what I was getting into . I have an autistic son . When we got to the states my so called soldier woul” push ” me around destroy the house and things like that I was 18 he was. I didn’t know any better . I stayed and said nothing out of fear . When I finally had enough 17 years later I told him I wanted a divorce he said he kill me if I touch his retirement . I didn’t want it just my kid and out . I survived without him . Not everyone is a greedy spouse I gave up my family for this man . I never remarried I work my butt of to care for me and my child .
You go, girl!!! I went through some of the same stuff. I am currently getting my life back after fifteen years of crap. This is the first time I have been at peace in so long.
why did u not fight
u should have recorded him saying that on tape and he would be immediately arrested by military police and face a CID investigation then court martial. u then would be able to collect his retirement in ur divorce decree.
I was married for 9 months and separated now she’s telling the judge she wants. Spousal support and a part of my retirement. I’am a reservist whos ben in the military for 3 years. What do you think the judge will decide …California
Nope she won’t get your retirement. Typically it is 10 years in order to get a full 50% of retirement. However, judges are now accepting less than 10 years being married. But given less than a year, she might be able to claim 10% of it IF she is lucky.
My ex was awarded a % of my retirement, but wishes now to “waive” that if I “waive” her requirement of Child Support (I have custody). It is a great long term savings for me, but I am worried that she will be able to go back later and still get my retirement. If it is agreed upon and served on a court document, will she be able to change her mind later?
As long as you have the divorce state FINAL DECREE , NO ADJUSTMENTS that document cannot be modified or changed make sure you get it notarized and kept on file!!!
Write to your congress. There is petition going around to appeal the order
take a look at this website to see the changes that congress did in 2004. http://www.globalsecurity.org/military/library/re…
trying to appeal this order failed before. this is a decision made by DFAS, DOD, OPM due to so many military spouses and divorces being left without any benefits. please read the articles surroung the act before you re-act. hope this helps
My ex worked the whole time I was married to her while I was Active Duty not even 10 years married when I retired and she remarried and still gets part of my retirement as a property settlement. She calls me with threats when Im late paying also.. What a snake!!
even if the settlement is in ur divorce decree, u can refuse to pay it, she then will have to pay her own way to fight u in court, worst case scenario, the judge holds u in contempt. nothing major, they cant hold u forever under that charge. if u want to avoid that, the next threat u get, ensure that she is too affraid to say ur name, or blind her, cut her tongue out, and threaten her entire family if she talks
Where is the justice to the retired Military member when Blood suckin Lawyers keep pushing this issue in their states even going against Fedral Laws and letting the non miliary spouse cash out on someone else!!!
federal law trumps state; let the lawyer do what they will; move out of state and dont share ur whereabouts with anyone
but in case ur wages get garnished automatically, what u should do is set all ur pay as an allotment to a foreign bank, no money can be taken from it without ur authorization which requires u to physically be in the bank to make that change lol
Hello I was married for 16 years and in my divorce decree it does not state anything about pension. I did complete an Equitable Distribution packet that states info about his pension. In the % box there is a ?mark. We have a disabled child and it states that some of plaintiffs retirement is separate property and any other factor the court finds to be just and proper that child is severely disabled and expends much more than child support can assist. He retired with 29 years.What do I do?
If you weren’t awarded anything in the final decree you probably aren’t going to get any of his pension. Have a lawyer review the language in the decree but since you didn’t initially ask for it you won’t get it later on.
this is true because you did not specify in the decree anything about the pension. however, i do agree with the guest above, you need to really find you an attorney who knows military law. there is a provision for disabled children too. look at survivors benefits for spouses and children this is a law that was passed for protection…your lawyer will be able to obtain his retirement date and take it from there. hope this helps.
too bad for you. go after alimony and have the decree be a sum total of his income (which by the way will come from his pension and/or disability) loophole baby
My X is a retired active dutyand reservist. When eligible, which I think is now, he’s 65 in October, am I eligible for PX and Commisary privileges. We were married 13 years. Prior to that I was married to an active duty member for another 13 years, he took buy out at 19 years for $65,000. (I forfit the retirment pay, because he threated to go after my Civil Services retirement.) Am I eligible for those two items?
for the guest above, you should be ashamed of yourself to wish a death on anyone. God does not like ugly and karma is something…if you are the one that caused the fall of their marriage and you did not commit 10 or more years. you are not entitled because what did you contribute to the members military career? probably nonthing but you didn’t mind breaking up the relationship…did…you..MAY GOD CONTINUE TO LOVE YOU..
This is a very touchy subject with me since I am getting screwed out of half my retirement to my ex. I was married for 15 years and delt with numerous affiars on her part and I tried to work it out for the benefit of my kids. I have custody of my children and recieve ZERO help from her but she gets half of my retirement. Just because a spouse moves, travels or endures the struggles of a military spouse does not constitute half the retirement. They knew before they got married that he/she was military and the pros and cons. Its disgusting that women and I say women because a majority of the ex’s recieving the retirement are women, feel they are obligated this. I deployed to Iraq, Afghanistan, Kuwait, Oman, Saudi Arabia and multiple places that I cant say while my ex went with other men. Is this justified for 50% of MY retirement? Did she earn this? So the rest of my life I have to pay her and constatnly be reminded of the BS I dealt with. And also one of the men she had a affair with she married.… which was a neighbor…active duty and says he cant wait to get my retirement check.
Can a spouse receive a portion of my retirement if we divorce and we have only been married for 7 years?
Up to a judge but yes she can, I know one that got 40% of retirement due to a really BAD judge. Hire a good lawyer to try and block her.
Yep my gf just got that not too long ago. Sorry to say but yes she is entitiled to a % of it now. IT used to be you had to be married 10 years. That is not the case anymore.
Yes, exactly the same as my husband. 20 years / 8 marital years (they include the additional year she drew out the divorce though not living together) divide by 2. She also receives cola increases in the same proportion. This is until death of one of them, remarriage on her part makes no difference. We pay and deduct her taxes form her proceeds. Been doing this for nearly 20 years already.
Seriously…it’s like Im in Kindergarden. A Military Man takes a family (his choice) he fights for our Country, and leaves his wife/children behind to worry, and make sure things are in order„ all to make his life easier when he comes home. Don’t bitch about giving up some retirement.. because I’d give my measly 35 percetn back, if you can give me back the yearrs I wasted„„,
You knew what your were getting into… period, end of story.… you married, “she/he” gave up their lives too! you knew full well going into this it would be hard, trying and difficult, as the Military is trying on both Husands and wives.… we give up oru careers, our self worth at time.. I was not know for whom I was„ I was know as “SFC wife” I can’t recall on one hand anyone wearing a Uniform called me by my first Name. we are human people.… I say this„ the day you give me back my “lost years” I’ll give you back your “lost” retirement…
You’ll never get those lost years back. No amount of money will pay for that for either of you.
My husband just died a week ago. He was retired 20 years USAF, but I am his 2nd wife of only 9 years. His ex wife has been receiving half of his retirement since they divorced in 1997 and has also remarried. I’m naive as to what I’m supposed to do now. Who do I contact about his death? Will the retirement payments stop on both sides. I’m nervous about receiving continued money if I have to eventually pay back anything after his death date. Could someone advise me of the correct procedure now? Will the ex wife have any more claims on him now?
u are out of luck, shouldve chosen a better man
I am the grand-daughter of two soldiers, daughter of a soldier, and soon to be former wife of a soldier. I know the sacrifices of both sides. Annoyed: It is sad your spouse was of such low character. Not every spouse is that way. I hope your next round is more positive. I can understand your anger. However… Deborah: You are very much correct and I’ve read articles by military personnel recognizing the behind the scenes sacrifices many spouses (not just wives) make to support their soldier.
I grew up in the military; both my parents supported each other until the end. My mom was a very strong and honest woman and someone I always idolized for her strength to choose a lifestyle in which she was forced to leave her ‘home’, family, and career to support her high school sweetheart, my father, as he lived out his own career.
I’d graduated from college prior to my marriage and had a teaching degree. Following my mother’s example, I married a military man, though 15 years older than myself, and 4 years before he decided to retire (without any discussion or planning that included me, his wife). But I knew what I was getting into in regards to military lifestyle, how my life was essentially “on hold” as the military comes first, and foremost, in all degrees of a soldier’s life. For the next four years my spouse had to relocate three times before our final move, each time would require me to get a new state license and take additional classes to work in my field, or not work in MY dream job. It made no sense to either of us for me to invest in another license knowing he’d be relocated within a year because of his job assignment, so everything I’d worked towards for MY own career was put on hold while HE continued to live out his dreams. I supported him 100% on the home front, sacrificing holidays, birthdays (mine and the kids), and other life events without him (and without my family) in places I knew no one (I never had time to really create a friendship with anyone) and had no emotional support when things got rough. But I stuck by him, and was faithful. We had limited funds with his low pay, three very young kids, and I was only able to go home to my family once, for a funeral, in that 4 year time (we never left state-side but I was never able to go home). I was very alone and isolated. He and the kids were my everything.
20 years later, we are going separate ways. I could have been so much further ahead in my own career if I’d not fallen in love with an amazing soldier and chosen to faithfully support him, and put him first. I sacrificed a career where I could have been making up to $30k +/year for a career where I got nothing, not even a thank you.
There is a formula to find the amount a spouse would get of any retirement. The amount of money I would get from his retirement IF I choose to push for it: roughly $60/month, or a mere $720/YEAR. I am worth more as an educated person but according to the military, I am only worth $2/day, or $.25/hour. My last paycheck as a teacher: $44432/year; about $3,702/month; about $122/day; $15.21/hr.
A military marriage is a team effort. Not all spouses cheat on their soldier. Not all are able to work. The spouse at home will never compare to what soldiers endure in the field and anyone with a brain would know that. The judge will decide; and hopefully the judge will see the real value of a person and recognize those that have been ‘good’ and honestly deserve their fair share of their time together. I will not ask for more, I know what my soldier gave, and I know his true worth, which is more than any dollar sign with a series of digits behind it.
u choose to waste ur 20 yrs, u choose to sacrifice ur ambitions and future success to do nothing but stay at home and be unemployed or work as a walmart greeter
Alot of people on here are talking about the ex-spouse being deserving of half of the military retirement because they put their live on hold to care for their Soldier and what not.…well how about this. I’ve been married for 9 years, in the middle of a divorce for 1.5 years because im getting Med boarded. She spent the last 3 years of our marraige living with her parents because it was easier on her to raise the kids. I havent seen my two children in over two years, and she wont finalize the divorce until my MEB gets finalized and she finds out my % so she in turn finds out how much she’s entitled to. AND, while deployed my last time, she racked up over $40,000 in credit debt becoming addicted to QVC. I now have to declare bankruptcy also, and she wants more money to help her get through nursing school, but refused to get a job while we were together because she “had to be there for the kids” I dont have the money to hire a lawyer because of all my debt, she got a loan from her granddad to get a lawyer, so now im paying $1100 a month for child support, I cant see my kids because she got the judge to believe I have PTSD, which I have proven I dont have, yet I still cant see them. I know she’s goona take me for EVERYTHING she can and I dont know what to do.
first of all, that credit card debt is an indicator of a pending divorce, her laziness of also making her own sacrifice to get a job is a red flag for divorce, lastly, continue to declare bankruptcy, whatever percentage she is waiting for — just choose not to pay it — if it goes to a garnishment phase, kill her
I am so very sorry to hear about your circumstances. Your best fighting chance is to find money somewhere to hire a lawyer. As a service member you know it’s never wise to be out gunned. If you lay out your case methodically (and without anger like you did here) to a lawyer and a judge, I believe they’ll understand your circumstances better. You said you proved you don’t have PTSD…is that via a military or civilian doctor? If so, produce that documentation to the judge and see your kids! You have a long road ahead of you. Hang in there, seek advice from a credit counselor at nfcc.org, brighter days will come. Thanks so much for your service.
Does the military not make some kind of legal aid available to vets to help in these kinds of situations and look out for their best interests?
MONEY IS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAD CHEATING SOLDIERS. I APOLOGIES BECAUSE IT HURTS TO BE CHEATED ON. FOR ALL OF YOU CHEATING SPOUSES OF SOLDIERS… BURN IN HELL. I DON’T THINK ANYONE HAS STOPPED TO THINK THAT MABEY THAT SOLDIER WOULD’NT HAVE CHEATED IF THINGS WERE GOING RIGHT AT HOME. MOST YOUNG STAY AT HOME SPOUSES HAVE A LOT OF TIME ON THEIR HANDS HUH. MOSTLY THE ONES WITH OUT CHILDREN. THAT SOLDIER DOESN’T MAKE THAT MUCH MONEY COMING UP THROUGH THE RANKS AS FAR AS PAY CHECK TO PAY CHECK, AND IM SURE SURE THAT THESE SOLDIERS DID’NT AND DON’T WANT TO DESTROY THEIR SPOUSES LIVES. NO ONE EVER STOPS TO THINK ABOUT THE STRESS AND B/S THE SOULDIER STRUGGLES EVERYDAY. ITS JUST SAD TO KNOW YOU NEVER LOVED HIM OR HER TO BE ASKING THESE QUESTIONS NOW. IF YOU ARE DIVORCED STOP HATING ON YOUR X’ PROGRESS BECAUSE YOU ARE LACKING WHAT YOU NEED TO SUCCEED, ” I BET HE WOULD TAKE THE KIDS BUT YOU WONT LET HIM”, “IF YOU DONT WORK, YOU DONT EAT”, AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO WERE WORKING ALONG WITH YOUR SOLDIER… DONT BE A ” DEVIOUS ENVY GUIDED SNAKE”.
IF EVERYTHING HAD BEEN GOING RIGHT AT HOME. HMMM I WOULD SAY THAT GOES BOTH WAYS. IF YOU GIVE EACH OTHER LOVE AND RESPECT AND TREAT EACH OTHER THE WAY YOU WOULD WANT TO BE TREATED IT WOULD HAVE STOPPED A LOT OF HEARTACHE AND CONFILICT. THE DIVORCE WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN NEEDED.
Ok get this…my husband of 10 years retired from the USAF after 23yrs. He was married to another woman of 15 years. Unbeknownst to him she had been having an affair. Two days before Thanksgiving she told him she didn’t want the marriage anymore. She walked out and abandoned 4 children. I raised the children as my own, and they still are!! She owes us 30,000 dollars in back child support, and never sent us a penny. She never wanted anything to do with the kids, but she was right there taking 450.00 a month from us. We told her if she left the retirement alone until the kids graduated then we would not pursue child support. Do you think she did that…HELL NO! She made several phones calls (that were recorded) saying, ” I have to take care of myself not those children”! I believe that she doesn’t deserve anything at all! She’s a poor excuse for even calling herself a woman let alone a mother!!!
Take her to court for the back child support. There is no time limitation to collect back due support. If there is a order that insists she pay support for the children then she’s legally obligated to pay it, even if they are over 18 now.
I AGREE SHE IS NOT A REAL WOMAN. A REAL WOMAN DOES NOT DO ANYTHING TO HURT HER CHILDREN IF SHE CAN HELP IT. A REAL WOMAN DOES HER BEST TO FIND WAYS AROUND IT. CHILDREN ARE THE FUTURE AND SHOULD BE TAKEN CARE OF. IN THIS CASE MY HAT IS OFF TO THE SECOND WIFE. BRAVO! MY DEAR LADY BRAVO! OR HOOOORRRRAH!
As a Military Chaplain, please note divorce is divorce a battle ground of indifferences, get it in writing! have your documents filed in your state of residency if you move or get involved with another and move refile your documents just for a mater of record. Under the sister act all states have to comply and act upon each other court orders. Your documents or agreements
are your income. Chappy
I wa married to someone in the army for eleven years he left me well i was pregnant and he was hitting me and i tried to get us help but then he got a twenty year old girlfriend and i am thirty and i was still trying to work it out but he still divorced me and i was awarded 50% of his retirment which i deserve i went through hell with him and for people to say that we are leaches and etc. is wrong! they have no idea of the hell each one of us have gone through.
He hit you and you STAYED!?!?! Why would you WANT to work it out with someone who is abusing you and cheating on you? Did you try and leave and get a job or did you stay because he was your meal ticket and you couldn’t support yourself? He’s scum, take him to the cleaner, but realize that you didn’t have an exit strategy because you chose to rely on him and others should take your story as a warning sign to never rely on someone else for their existence.
u were a moron for staying after he hit u and first of all i would have charged him with assault and domestic battery and have him locked up after his conviction in court martial
what kind benefited if marriage a divorced military retirement man?
is it possible for an ex spouse to stop the retirement allotment after being stationed overseas for more than 10 years together, and it in the divorce decree ????
All i see is a bunch of fat, lazy, nagging ex navy wives posting their complaints on a blog. The funny thing is if they had been good wives and done what they were told maybe they would not be ex wives? Deserve half the members pension? “Really” Only in Liberal America! I have not met a Navy wife yet that deserved a penny for being a nag.
No hard working sailor would want to come home to that!
I’m disable and I was disable when I met my husband, We was living together for 4 years before we got married. We have been married for 3 years. My husband is in the Army Reserves and been in for over 20 years. He also works full time for a Goverment position. He is mentally cruel to me and my child and he’s an alcoholic and won’t seek help. The military made him seek help one time because he got caught DWI , but they don’t know that he still drinks. They also, don’t know this is his second time getting caught DWI. He also, uses his military email and his own email to cheat and meet women. I have saved all of his email messages and text messages of him cheating. . My disability has worsen since being with him. What is my rights as a Army Reserve spouse because I’m ready to get out. I think I should get some kind of help from him since he brought me in an expensive town where I was living in another state where I could make it on my income. Now I’m stuck here and don’t want to be moving my child again to another state.
Married three years you won’t get jack crap more then likely. Child support if the kid is his and a minor but that’s all you can really expect.
For those who want to appeal the courts decision on division of your military retired pay. Ask your attorney to do some homework on the following information: These were U.S. Supreme Court Cases that were denied giving former spouses part of military retirement. Espeically since military pay lack charcteristics of cash surrender value, loan value, redemption value, lump sum value, and value realizable after death like traditional retirement plans or civilan retirement plans. the persuasive value of the holdings in community property states is at best limited. Moreover, recent amendments to federal law have raised serious questions as to whether any state can call federal retirement benefits “property” and distribute them among the parties in a divorce proceeding. See Hisquierdo v. Hisquierdo, 439 U.S. 572 (1979)
MAYBE THE MILITARY MEMBERS WHO ABUSED THEIR SPOUSES AND CHILDREN CAN TAKE THE MILITARY MEMBER TO CIVIL COURT AND SUE FOR BODILY AND METAL DAMAGES AND CAN SUE FOR A LOT MORE THAN 1/2 OF THE RETIREMENT. HMM LETS SEE COSTS FOR A PHYSICOLOGIST, MEDS, COUNCELLING SESSIONS, HOSPITAL BILLS FOR NERVOUS BREAKDOWNS, HEALTH PROBLEMS BROUGHT ON BECAUSE OF THE ABUSE LIKE DEPRESSION , DRUG ADDICTIONS, ETC ETC. THE MORE I THINK ABOUT HALF OF THE RETIREMENT IS A SMALL COST TO THE SERVICE MEMBER INDEED. BEING TIED UP IN COURT HAVING TO HAVE HIS NAME IN THE NEWS ABOUT BEING A SEXUAL CRIMINAL. 1/2 OF HIS RETIREMENT IS A SMALL PRICE INDDED.
Part 2 of post.……Crawley v. Crawley, 358 So. 2d 456 (Ala. App.), cert. denied, 358 So. 2d 458 (Ala. 1978) Whether federal law permits or prohibits the distribution of military retirement benefits as a property right in State court divorce proceedings is an issue we need not address because we hold that, as a matter of State law, those benefits may not be termed “property” and be distributed in a divorce order.
Part 3 of post.……Military retirement pay lacks the following characteristics of property: cash surrender value, loan value, redemption [***6] value, lump sum value and value realizable after death. Ellis v. Ellis, 552 P.2d 506, 507 (Colo. 1976). Because it lacks these characteristics, it is difficult for us to conclude that it is part of the husband’s estate. See RSA 458:19. Likewise, the court in Colo-rado, a common-law jurisdiction, In re Marriage of Ellis, 538 P.2d 1347 (Colo. App. 1975), has held that military retirement pay is not property, and therefore not subject to redistribution upon a divorce. Ellis v. Ellis, 552 P.2d 506 (1976); accord Fenney v. Fenney, 259 Ark. 858, 537 S.W.2d 367 (1976).
I agree with any commenter that has said it should be a CASE by CASE basis. More often than not I have seen the at home spouse cheating and looking greedily towards receiving those funds. It’s an unfair judgement with a ten year rule. No one else’s retirement is up for grabs. Lets say your a military member and your spouse is the bad one. Do you get his or her retirement if you or they leave? NO! So not only should it be a case by case basis but anyones retirement then should be up for grabs. This law was created for the benefit of a woman back in the day because of the inequalities. It’s an outdated law that needs reformation badly. Luckily it isn’t secluded to females only because if it was then many men who are well deserving would have lost out.
In general people just need to act like adults and respectable spouses. Stop cheating/beating and respect your partner. This defiantly goes both ways member or dependent.
I agree with the last paragraph. However, you should know that in a divorce the retirement of both parties is on the chopping board. Oftentimes it is worse for a civilian who has a 401k that is often worth more and can be ordered to be split in half right then and there all penalties being placed on the holder of the 401k.
My wife of 9 years cheated on me, I have been in for 14 years and I am going to make sure we are divorced before the 10 year mark. Hell I took her back after the first time. She deserves NOTHING in terms of my retirement, simply because I would have it regardless if I was married or not. It also helps to have proof of the cheating which leaves her hands tied when asking for an at fault divorce. This year is going to be a stressfull one on me.
i hate to be the barer of bad news it’s completely up to the judge if she is awarded part of your retirement and you do not need to be married past the 10 years mark for her to be awarded a % of your retirement
ur first mistake was taking her back, now ure going to pay her cash each month and get nothing in return lol
In 2005, my ex-wife and I separated for 1 year per NC divorce law. We executed a written separation agreement that detailed alimony, child support, distribution of property, debt and retirement. In 2006, we were granted a divorce decree. Even though the separation agreement was not entered into the decree, I continued to honor child support and alimony payments.
In 2009, she wanted more money and asked the state to issue a court order. After the joint income review, she actually got less money and, by going to the state, she also broke our agreement that she would not contest the child support amount. She got less money and loss her alimony.
She stated that I was a fool for honoring it for so many years because it was dissolved with our decree. I haven’t argued the point with her because I don’t advertise my punches but, being so, what about the retirement? I retire next year and would love if I have a standing to keep my retirement.
If she takes me to court over it, she’d probably win, wouldn’t she?
Wow, this always kills me, it’s a shame that folks that get divorced are entitled to someone else’s individual earning because someone doesn’t want to be with you. As unfortunate as it is, NOBODY SHOULD LOSE THEIR RETIREMENT for any reason..You may need child support, spousal support, equity into what you bring in. STOP BEING A LEACH!!! Move on with your life. Why be forever connected with someone.
“30 years later, oh, I was married to this guy YEARS ago, I’m stealing his retirement for the rest of his life. Glad I know how to pick em”
Shame…divorce should not be a punishment.
How can this be leagal? A woman is married to a military member for 13 years of his 26 year career. Upon their divorce she was awarded 50% of his military retirement upon his retirement, which he no happy, but not fighting. Now he finds out that the original divorce decree also awards her maximum SBP so his current wife does not get anything. So this man married to this woman 13 years and current wife 30 years before his death and when he dies they better hope they don’t have much debt since his retirement will stop and the money that use to come into his household will go to his first wife, who is remarried, drawing social security, and has worked for the past 30 years. How can the law tell someone they have to provide for a woman that they are no longer married to after they die. What about the current wife who has built a future with this man? He is also 100% disabled through the VA.
My husband’s ex was treated like a queen during their marriage and given 100% support for pursuing her own thriving career and then she walked out on him with half of everything including the house and nearly half of his retirment after 13 years of marriage in which she decided she did not want children with him. Give back my ass!!! Then she had the nerve to spell out in the divorce settlement that she get his help with the dogs?! ********!! Did I happen to mention she remarried two years after she started receiving his retirement? She also had the forsight to take out a life insurance policy so that she can still receive the money after he dies!!! Get a life, in this case, it’s nothing but pure greed!! No way around it. I’m still wating for somebody, anybody to try and justify this to me. Can’t be done!!
i would do the same thing but not for 13 yrs, he could also kill her and pay nothing
I am a recruiter that married a woman in my local area. She is a physical therapist with a Master’s degree and has a good paying job. I have been trying to move up in my career and take a new assignment, but she has fought me on the move because she will not leave her mother and father. She has put them first before me, her husband. My question is how can I marry a woman for 3 years and be told to give her 10% of my retirement? I have a high school diploma and need all of my retirement in 5 years to live on. We have no kids and she has never had to move with me, so please explain why she is entitled to 10% for life.
thats ur problem, if she made more than u, it could be a different story, but u shouldve figured all this out before u married. now she’ll have additional income to shop and buy her replacement man toys
The facts are simple. I have 22 years of service and I have seen first hand what really happens. Although it works both ways there are far more cases of the spouse cheating on the member than the opposite. I have had people break down in front of me because there “anchor” was back home cheating. In turn I have seen military members cheat on their spouse and used the UCMJ as the tool to fix it. This is where the burden should stop for a military member. It sickens me that a spouse can put themselves on a level playing field with a military member just because they are back home taking care of the house and kids it simply does not compare.
I wonder do civilians get the same thing? Military spouses are spoiled from the get go. They get a roof over there head, medical coverage that exceeds any civilian coverage and the financial security that no civilian job can offer, just to name a few. . The military member did the work and the spouse supported the member the pay off is the spouse has to worry about nothing in return. Taking a members retirement is wrong and we should not have to give up what we rightfully earned because they are no longer happy in their marriage. Along the same lines of not very well thought out laws is the SBP (when a member dies half of their retirement goes to the first spouse and only that spouse can decline election. not the member who is the one that pays for it) I have heard rumor that this law is going to be changed but we know how that goes. . Just keep in mind that these are the same people that created the USFSPA are the same people that are giving away military members hard earned retirement. Both of these laws need to be changed!
My spouse routinely threatened too take my retirement if I divorced. This culminated in me being stuck in a marriage, period! The bottom line is the spouse does not put themselves in harms way, or work ridiculously long hours, stand a watch or even remotely have to deal with the crap a military member has to put up with EVERYDAY OF THEIR CAREER.
u should stand up to ur spouse. i personnally would dare her to say something like that to me, and i’ll make sure that she’ll be able to physically walk again or speak clearly, oh and i’ll stay married to her . take out a life insurance policy on her also.
I do think that people should stand on their own two after a divorce accept in cases where they put the spouse through school or they were a stay at home parent who had no education/job skills. I know a lady 5 kids, married 30 plus year and he decides to get a girlfriend. He divorces her and she is working for minimum wage. He wanted her to be a stay at home mom/wife. She is getting half of his retirement which seems fair. However, if she remarries I think he should keep it. I also know a lady who worked two jobs to put her husband through law school. He got his degree and traded her in for a younger/slimmer model. They needs to take into consideration multiple factors. The current system is not fair.
I WAS MARRIED TO MY EX WIFE FOR 10 YEARS AND OUT OF THOSE 10 YEARS 5 YEARS OF IT WAS IN THE MILITARY. MY DIVORCE DECREE DOES NOT STATE SPLITTING OF MY MILITARY RETIREMENT. IM STILL ON ACTIVE DUTY CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT % OF MY RETIREMENT IS SHE IN TITLED TOO.
its solely up to the judge…
I was a service member of 10 years.….got out and graduated from college. I was married, until last year to a fellow soldier for 14 years. It was I who pushed him and sometimes did his work to get him promoted. When I got out of the service 1 year after we married, I worked 2 jobs and went to school full time while raising 2 children. With all of this being said, I let him keep his retirement. I left him. He had no clue as to how unhappy I was.….I was the one always making sacrifices while he got all the praise. I hope he enjoys “His” retirement, because I am now finally enjoying “My” life. : )
u are a fool. a rational person would be collecting whatever retirement or paycheck he has coming.
Hi I’ve read the questions and answers here and they’ve helped a lot. ____I’ve still not found one quite like mine so here it is::____I’m a spouse of 10 years — __Haven’t signed a waiver for retirement and I don’t plan to do so –__Divorce (absolute) will be final this month — __I don’t have a lawyer (can’t afford one) but my spouse (active duty) has one –____Q. What can I do to make sure my portion (whatever it will be) is granted and implemented in our divorce decree? __ a) and can a JLC active duty ‘council’ represent me in a civilian court?____Thank you for your help.
You need a civilian lawyer since divorce is a civilian matter. JAG will NOT represent you. If you don’t have a lawyer and don’t get what you want you cannot go back after the fact.
get a lawyer do not use your husbands lawyer… remember the key word here is (((HIS LAWYER)))) so everthing said and being done in the court of law will be for his benefit.. and representing him… your soon to be ex
I recently found out and got my husband to finally confess to it that he cheated on me as soon as we got married. The bastard waited only 16 days to post a hook up add on craigslist. We dated for 6 years and married 1. I gave up a career to join him and this is my f*****ing reward. To all you soldiers out there my husband wasn’t alone when he frequented questionable clubs and even had a friend buy him a lap dance to boot. Yet all I hear is how the wives are the only ones cheating. That is a load of bull. I go to the FRG meetings and some of these gals are so obsessed with supporting the troops I almost pity them because I know at least one of them is being cheated on as well. I gave up a career a good start towards my future and all I hear is how I am a dependent. Guess what? I didn’t want to get married but he pushed the issue so I relented thinking I didn’t want to not at least try.
Something similar happened to me. My ex pressed me to get married. He kept going on about how he was getting deployed to Germany and how we were going to be separated for 3 years if we didn’t get married. I found out several years later it was all a lie. He asked for Germany when he reenlisted a couple of weeks AFTER we got married!?! The first time he cheated was about a month after we got married and it has continued ever since.
u are a fool for giving up ur goals for his own. in a marriage, both must sacrifice something for the other, its not a one way street, otherwise, choose a better candidate
If a former spouse dies and is getting %50 percent of the military member payment, does the military member receive the %100 percent awarded to him at retirment. community property divorce. Also is their any pervision while living can you fight to have a military retirement reduced going to the former spouse due to remarried to a retired military member or any other options to fight to reduce the amount.
zero options to fight it. Even if she remarries you pay her until one of you dies. You get back the rest of the payment upon her demise.
I am a Canadian, I read these posts with great sadness. I have been married to my husband for over 40 years. No, he was not military,but his online girlfriend is U.S. Military retired. She has moved to Canada to be near him. He now wants a divorce to be with her. She says she wants to become a Canadian. Will she lose her pension if she remains in Canada?
No she will not, if she is officially retired she will retain her pension and benefits regardless of where she lives.
My husband’s ex wife is asking for a portion of his retirement after being divorced for over 4 years and they have both remarried. His retirement is not listed as being given to her in there divorce decree. Now she is trying to take him back to court to get there decree changed so that she can get part of his retirement. Is this even possible. He will not agree to sign anything.
Hire a lawyer, she can try all she wants (and if she didn’t waive it in the decree then she might have grounds) more than likely it will be thrown out though because a divorce decree is FINAL and says FINAL for a reason. Usually the only things that can be changed down teh road are alimony or child support. Not property division. Hire a lawyer and fight her tooth and nail if you have to.
I was a single parent for my first 11 years of my career. I got married for eight years and am now getting divorced from my wife. I worked my butt off and put in long hours. I was virtually debt free before I got married. I now have $23,000 in debt due to $1000/child christmas and excessive spending. She is wanting me to pay all debt and pay part of my pension to her? Are you kididng me?
no she is not kidding u. u both share that debt, so u both are responsible to pay it, ur dumbass shouldve used ur head and realized the first 5k in bills u racked up was an indication that she isnt financially responsible or someone u should enter into a marriage let alone have kids with. i hope she takes ur ass to the bank
How many military members would rather have spent time with their family than be gone and miss out on births, birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, school events, wathcing your kids in sports. I believe ther eis a bigger sacrifice on the military members part. What would you trade or rather do. Be home all the time or be gone and miss so much?
My Mom and Dad were divorced in 1947. The divorce decree was gotten in Arkansas. The court deamed Mom should have fourty dollars a week child support, Dad reinlisted and carried on his taxes. Mom was always moving from placed to place. Mom never saw one support check,even though she tryed to get in contact with him through the Air Force when we lived in Michigan. The Air Force said they did not know him. The Question is what happens to the Alotment money if you cant find the person it is to be payed to??? Please answer Thank You Florence G Wilson (Ledbetter)
Well my father was married to my mother for 11 years and decided that he didn’t want to have children or a wife anymore in 1990. He abandoned us all and never once paid for child support. DOR was unable to find him. My mother had married him very young and had three children. After he left she did what she could as a waitress as we all grew up in poverty. I finally located him in 2001 using US Search. At this point he had gone about his own life becoming a pharmacist. It is great that he abandoned my mother to pay for their mistakes while he was able to get a career. When US found him they were able to intercept two checks for 20,000 thousand dollars for back support. 40,000 dollars for three children over the course of 10 years is sad. Any way I recently found out that he joined the navy and completed 10 additional years. This bastard is collecting from the govt. and is a pharmacist while my mother continues to waitress. She sacraficed her education and career dreams for all of us. Is she entitled to some of this bastards military pension. She certainly earned it while dealing with this selfish controlling discrace of a LT. COMMANDER.
If it’s not in the decree then no she is not entitled to anything. If he’s only done 10 years in the Navy there is nothing to collect anyway.
she failed to get a competent lawyer, so that’s too bad, if u want revenge, track him down, verify it is in fact ur father, and tell him what he did, and pull the trigger
I was married to my spouse, 2nd spouse Non Veteran, from 12jun2001 to 07Sep2012. I retired from the Air National Guard 31Jan2003, spouse was only married to me for 1yr7months before I retire. He does not meet the 20/20/10. Will someone tell me will he be entitle to anything. I was formerly married before to another military member for 14 yrs. I would think he would be entitled to my retirement pay but we both agree to keep our own pensions. We both divorced and final divorce decree was 03Oct1998,(Military spouse one)
I can understand giving a portion of retirement money to those spouses who faithfully served their military spouse, enduring moves (PCSs, deployments) and watching the kids while they were away. I get that and I fully support that.
Here’s where the law is unfair and pay attention to this next part.
Not every spouse is faithful, supportive or helpful to their spouse’s career. In fact, in my case, my ex-spouse was actually a hindrance to me and my career, causing numerous disturbances due to infidelity, drugs, and other issues. She was, by no means, a supportive spouse nor did she “endure” any suffering or hardships. We were only at one base for 8 years before our divorce. After 8 years of marriage, our Oklahoma family judge awarded her a portion of my retirement FOR LIFE. Oh, and to pour salt on the wound, she had taken my kids out of state and enrolled them in school to avoid losing custody–she was awarded custody because the judge did not want to up-root them.
As the military member in my case, I lost everything while my ex-spouse was awarded a windfall.
Now, explain how this law is fair to everyone again…
Got a good story for all you haters out there. I am retiring from 20 years of Naval service at the end of this year. I have been married for 17 of the 20 years, which in my eyes entitles my soon to be ex-wife to half of my military pension. We have MATURELY discussed the subject and I am willingly giving her half of my retirement as it is state law that my retirement pay is community property. As soon as my retirement pay starts, whether the divorce is final or not, I’ll be paying her 50% of my retirement plus child support and alimony that I am ordered to. Fortunately my wife and I just came to the conclusion that we didn’t want to be married any more and MATURELY came to a divorce settlement. Not sure why so many assholes have to give all of us men a bad name, but I wish they’d stop it. I still love my wife, but I’m not “In Love” with her any more and I still love my kids and WILL NOT make them suffer due to our relationship issues. MEN WAKE THE HELL UP AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES. Well unless the bitch cheated on you…then you have every right to do what is necessary.…LOL!!!!
I wouldn’t agree to child support and alimony until your out and know how much you are receiving…otherwise 100% of your retirement pay will be going to your ex.
I was married to my ex, for 20 years. he always cheated on me, and everytime we got order for a certain place, he would always get his orders changed for Kara, because he was always living with those women. i want to know if i could draw his retirement?
Instead of sapping off his hard work, how about you start a career, work 20 years, and give half to him?
if u arent collecting 50% of his retirement right now after 20yrs of marriage, then u are too stupid to deserve it
Fellow Military & families and broken hearts,
I want to tell you from personal experience that the Marine Corp DOES NOT promote bad sexual morale or neglect of families. Matter of fact the fellow Marines in my EX who is my Son’s father’s command were the ones who turned him in, not me. I have a HUGE respect for the military and the community. I, however understand that we are all humans including them and hurt, betrayal, deceit and all of the other tricks the devil plays are in our community as well..
Now with that being said, no one is perfect. No one has the right to portray themselfs as hero’s and abandon their morals, and all admirable qualities to be a marine. The reason they say “FEW PROUD MARINES” is because their are only few who hold to the ~honor and commitment, SEMPER FI ~tradition of the corp. INCLUDING the wifes…I have not walked away, I am not his wife but I would never leave him alone in PtSD, a humbled ego from war injuries, and a financial mistake. He is my son’s legacy..he is God’s child, HE is not a good husband and that was his ultimate mistake as a marine. Everyone we know or meet can see he had a strong beautiful woman he lost because of the Alcohol and loose women…HE SEE’S IT..I am his friend and I will always help him when his mind is lost in chaos and war, when the control and brainwashing is making him loose himself. I will never take everything he has. I Am Still A Marine Wife. I just sleep alone (still) I love my country and I am proud my family has been cared for and found a way to God’s love. He could have been on of the few but he let temptation and weakness steal his career as a USMC. He is leaving after not picking up and mentally, physically, emotionally chewed up and literaly spit out. I am the person he cheated, abandoned, financially used us for benefits we never saw, separation, BHA and someone to blame and always come home to..I have one child. I have my own career. I have an ex Marine… I will never regret my decisions to stand by with box’s of Love & open arms. I am proud that I am admired for the qualities of good character, true friendship, and last but not least GRATITUDE AND LOYALTY…God is in my heart…and I am a Marine Wife
My husband wii retire in January 2013 , after 25 years of service. He will retire as a 0–5 . His ex wife will take 50% of his retirement , 8 years out of 25. My husband was not reservist nor eveniactive duty for the last 3 years when they were married. The years before that, he was enlisted. I am not the cause of separation , in fact, she is the one who wanted the divorce because they were not getting along anymore, I met him 3 years after the divorce.NO CHEATING here from both parts! Now my question. Why this woman , who has no depandable children ianymore s entitled to recieve O-5 paycheck if during their marriage he was enlisted? Is there a way to pay her only the highest pay of his last rank as enlisted? I am not complaining that she has to be paid, I do not think is fair to upgrade her retirement share from enlisted to officer. Is there anything my husband can do?
time to buy a gun
Military Pension after a Divorce. My final divorce decree stated that my ex would NOT recieve any pension benefits if she remarried or cohabitated with a unrelated male. Now, six years later, she is threatening to take me to court to reverse that decision so that she will recieve it. How likely is that to be overturned? Should I lawyer up?
Okay soldier…so now being married is something that you equate with welfare? I don’t think so. Hey Chippies…if you know who he is…stay away. He doesn’t know what a marriage is supposed to be. Not every woman is prepared to be a dual career wife. Their husband’s rather like them being home and paying attention to them, while they make babies that they don’t necessarily want.
how is doing CHORES for a living working? In this day and age spouses SHOULD work. We are a dual career family, it’s nice that all the pressure for our survival isn’t placed solely on my husbands shoulders. God forbid he gets injured at least I know we can pay the bills. And if he ever divorces me like you hear oh so many times on this site, I don’t have to leach off of him like some troll of an ex spouse.
My exwife gets 32% of my military retirement..by court order..We got divorced after 13 years in Army. Is this 32% calulated at the time of Divorce (E7 with 13 year in Army) or is it calulated by when I retire. When I retire I will have 26 years…does she get right to to 32% of the other 13 years after my divorce..
its a little late to be asking about percentages
Hopefully someone will be able to answer my question on here, but I plan on going to base legal soon to get some advice. But, can anyone tell me if I will be entitled to any portion of my husband’s future retirement? He has 5 more years left. We have been married 8 1/2 years. When we do divorce, he will have at least 5 more years left. He cheated on me while in Iraq 2 years ago and I have tried to stay and make things work, but just cannot get past this. I am a stay at home mom and have been all this time. I am not just some greedy woman trying to suck money out of the military service member. But I am wanting to know what my entitlements are in regards to the retirement. Thank you.
You aren’t “entitled” to anything until a judge decides you are so all you can really do is hire an attorney. A judge can award you a small portion of retirement pay, but they can also decide not to, to put a time limitation on it. You won’t meet any other time requirements so you will loose healthcare, commissary, base privileges etc.
How many USA marriages break up overseas while serving with a military spouse? I am the victim, my marriage broke up overseas.
My ex-wife was a Medical Doctor graduating from an Ivy League school and also had a Masters in Preventive Medicine. I retired as a USMC Master Sergeant and she got a piece of my pension. During the 7 years that we live together as husband and wife I did not deploy once and my USMC career never was a burden to her. She just wanted the money.
im sure her money is nothing compared to her current salary now, the way it works, is that u should take her to court for alimony now
(part 2) i think that the worst part about all of it was leaving ‘his’ son behind when we divorced and telling my daughter her family was splitting. and you know, the ex-husband’s FIRST concern was.…‘don’t go after my retirement, I earned it’.…excuse me? you fat @ss mo’ fo’…you slept around while i raised our family and made career changes left and right so you could keep yours. i deserve RANK, i deserve that E8 you now have.… i studied with this man so he could go before boards, i brainstormed with him to help better his production. all for what? so he could cheat w/younger women and ask me to leave his retirement alone? .
(part 3) i will say that there are women out there that deliberately go after the soldier’s benefits and that truly is a shame. but in this case & my case, not so much. we ‘wives’ busted our @sses to help better the servicemen’s career, for what in the end? to pick up the pieces and start OUR careers OVER. i do praise the service, because although i wasn’t the enlisted member, it made me stronger, more patriotic, more of an upstanding citizen.… but what it did for my ex-husband was all the opposite– greed. so, for the service members that have been screwed over, there are ex-spouses that have gone through just the same. don’t judge on someone’s story and think that they are money grubbing– you just don’t know.
Until my service member ex spouse signs off on the military pension, he is sending me personal checks for my “portion” of the retired pay, as determined by the courts. Since DFAS taxes his payment why do I pay taxes on the personal check he sends me?
Second part: since he is sending me an estimate of what DFAS will send me when he signs the DFAS forms, I am paying taxes on that, not on the actual amount which will be lower.
What??
If a penna. atty who has been through this is reading…speak up and let me kow how to reach you.
Wait…he’s sending you payments and you are complaining that you have to pay taxes on that?!?!?!?!?! get a grip, he’s paying you, why should he pay you X amount then get stuck paying all your taxes too? If it’s considered alimony it’s taxable for you and tax deductible for him. Go hire another attorney if you think you have a strong case that he is doing something wrong…just remember it will cost you at least 2-3k to hire him…that’s a lot of retirement checks
My husband and his ex were married for 17 yrs, he was active duty for 16 of the 17 yrs… he stayed in for 31 yrs. In their decree it says that she gets a % of his retirement, can she “collect” on all the years he stayed in after they were divorced?
If the decree doesn’t state an exact dollar amount or that it’s based off of pay for X years or pay without COLA then yes she gets X percentage of his 31 year retirement pay…how is that for screwed up, yet another reason that horrid spouse protection act needs MAJOR revision or cancellation
This is why tell all my young men and women who just joined to stay away from marriage! …This story plays out like a Broken Record!
if she is pressing a legal issue against u, common sense would tell ur dumbass to lawyer up, and no, she has no case if it was agreed upon in the final divorce decree